If Tomorrow Never Comes
by Kippling Croft
Summary: As the Barkley's make their yearly visit to the summer lodge an influenza outbreak sweeps through the family. Isolated with no way to get help how will they survive. The story is better than the summery, please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N This is my first BV FF so please forgive any OOC-ness and any mistakes, I'm sure there will be more then a few. This is a Heath whomping fic because we all know we whomp the ones we love in fanficland. This fic is set around the third season.

"Talking" 'thoughts'

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter One**

* * *

"Nick, be careful with that. You will break the jars." Victoria scolded her, second eldest, as he plopped a crate full of jarred pickles, preserves, honey, and jams, into the back of the wagon.

"Well, it would certainly help if some people would quit yammering like old women and give a hand loading the wagon." Nick gave Jarrod and Eugene a pointed look. At hearing Nick's comment Jarrod smiled, "Why, brother Nick, are you saying that you can't do it all yourself?"

"Well if it's too much for ya Nick I could call Audra to help you?" Heath teased in his soft drawl as he came out of the house carrying a forty-pound sack of flour from the kitchen. Silas was right behind him holding some quilts and candles. Nick feigned an insulted look, "I'll have you know that I could carry this wagon, loaded to the brim, on my back all the way to the summer lodge and not so much as breakout in a sweat."

"Well, here then." Heath said as he chucked the sack of flour to his loud mouthed brother. The cowboy had not been prepared for the action, so was not able to catch the bag before it smacked into his chest with an audible thump. The weight of the bag caused Nick to stumble back a step in order to keep his balance, "Boy I'm gonna pound you into next week." Nick threatened as dropped the flour in the back of the wagon and took off after his blond brother, Heath just laughed as he dodged Nick's grasp.

Jarrod and Eugene teased and egged their brothers on, "The whole wagon eh brother Nick?"

"On your left Heath."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Victoria smiled at her sons antics. All of her children shared an unbreakable bond they teased, fought, laughed, cried, and supported one anther as if they had known each other all their lives. It still amazed her sometimes to think that Heath had not always been with them. Her late husband's illegitimate son, had only come, into their lives a mere three years ago.

Those first few months had been difficult to be sure. Heath was so bitter and wary of trusting them and Nick so angry and hurt and more often then not he took that anger and hurt out on Heath. At times she was not sure if Heath would not just up and ride away. How thankful she is that he never did so. Jarrod, Audra, and Eugene, all of them had been so very hurt by their father's unfaithfulness, but none more so then herself.

On top of coping with their own changing family dynamics and all the emotional upheaval that come with it. They also had to deal with some of their neighbors and so-called friends, even some of their own hired men, expressing their opinions on the matter. And in some cases acting on those opinions. They had rarely missed an opportunity to hurt Heath by throwing his parentage in his face and insulting his mother, Leah. They called her family stupid, disrespectful of a great man's memory and unchristian 'for taking in one such as him, a product of sin and flouting him in their midst.' She knew people still said and thought those things about her and her family, and she knew Heath was the one who still took the brunt of their, narrow minded cruelty.

Many people had questioned, if Heath was in fact Tom's son. But she had known almost from the first time she had seen him that he was a Barkley. Heath, was the spitting image of her father-in-law, Hiram Barkley, when he was Heath's age. Except for Heath's mouth and the shape of his eyes, something she imagined came from Leah, they looked identical.

'Hiram will be tickled pink to find how much Heath looks like him, perhaps we could visit Hiram and, Patrick and his family before winter sets in. I should speak with Heath about that.' Victoria mused, Tom's younger brother and father have been pleading with them, ever since they were told about Heath three years ago, to come out and see them so they could meet their new nephew and grandson and welcome him to the family. But it never seemed like the best time, she did not want her in-laws or Heath to be hurt or uncomfortable, as they would no doubt want to talk about Tom. Heath was only now becoming comfortable with the subject of his father. He would never have been disrespectful to them by ignoring the subject but it still would have been obvious that Heath did not think that highly of Tom and that would have hurt both, her in-laws and Heath. Heath has since, seemed to have made peace with it, so maybe it was time to take Hiram and Patrick up on their invitation.

Victoria had loved her husband, she still did and always would. How could she not love him, he was the father of her children, all of her children. Now she had five wonderful blessings even though one of those blessings had came from another woman she still thanked God for all of them. Even as hurt as she was over her husbands betrayal she could not help but to love Heath as if he had been born to her. And it was because of her love for this son of her heart, that she could not help but to curse her husband's carelessness, for not going back to see if Leah was with child, and his selfishness, for not telling her about the affair.

She often wondered how many trials and hardships could Heath have avoided, and how many hunger and worry filled nights had he endured as a child, and never would have had to, had they but known about him when he was still a baby? These questions haunted her when she thought of her own four children's happy, carefree childhoods.

Sure they had, had some rough times, like in the beginning when she and Tom had just moved to the valley and had little more then the clothes on their backs, when they lost Tom Jr. to scarlet fever at only two years old, the drought of 59, when they had lost a third of their stock to wild fires and thirst, and then losing Tom over that rail road. But even with all that the good times by far out number the bad. It tore her heart to think that Heath could not say the same of his life.

Victoria jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Audra looked at her mother with concern "I'm sorry mother. I did not mean to startle you. I was talking to you, but you didn't seem to hear me."

She smiled at her daughter, "I'm sorry dear, my mind was wandering. What was it you were saying?"

"Only that we are all packed and that Gene wants to say goodbye. He is going to have to leave for Stockton in a few minutes if he is going to catch the nine a.m. train to Berkeley."

"Oh, thank you Audra." Victoria put her arm around the younger woman and walked over to the men of her family.

"Are you sure you can't stay and go with us to the lodge? Maybe just for a week or so?" Victoria asked and she hugged her youngest child. "No, I can't stay. If I want to have a chance at getting that internship with Dr. Coombe I have to leave now. Dr. Coombe is one of the leading doctors in veterinary medicine why if I were to get that internship I..."

Victoria interrupted Eugene before he could ramble on about the good doctor again and miss his train, "we know dear. You better hurry now or you won't catch your train." She pulled him into an anther tight hug, "don't wait so long before you come see us again. I love you so much and please take care of yourself Eugene, dear you have been looking a little unwell lately, and you have been sneezing and coughing, are you feeling all right?"

Eugene smiled at his mother, "I have been feeling a little under the weather the past few days," He reluctantly admitted, then continued, "and if I'm not feeling better in a couple days I promise I will go to the doctor at Berkeley."

"I worry about you not eating well and not getting enough sleep with all those long hours of studying and classes and working with Dr. James on the weekends and now with this internship it just seems like so much. It is not wise to run yourself down when you are unwell."

"Well, now that classes are over for the summer I won't be studying very much and as for the internship I'm not even sure if I will get it, so please don't worry, mother, I will get plenty of rest. And I assure you I will be back here before you know it."

Victoria smiled and kissed his cheek so she could check his temperature without him knowing it, she knew it would upset him if he thought she was 'babying him' as he put it. Satisfied that he did not have a fever, she decided to ask Nick to wire Eugene before he and Heath came up to the lodge and see how Gene was feeling. Heath and Nick would be staying behind so they could finish a few things around the ranch, then join the rest of the family in two or three days. With that settled she felt more at ease, "Well, you better go, Nick's waiting for you, have a safe trip dear and I hope you feel better soon."

Eugene got into the buggy, that Nick was waiting in, and waved enthusiastically, "Well, goodbye everyone I love you all."

Nick waved goodbye to his family as well but with a little bit more reserve, "I'll see all of you in a couple days. Heath I'll meet you at the northeast pasture so we can move those heifers." Nick snapped the reigns, and they were off.

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Tell me what you think


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N Thank you all for welcoming me to the Valley and also for all the great feedback. I will try to make this story worth your time.

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Two**

* * *

Heath took off his hat and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm. They had just finished rebuilding a windmill, that had been destroyed when a tree had fallen on it this past winter. The windmill would now continuously pump water to the stock pond. Heath walked up to his older brother, "you know if we leave in the next hour we should make it to the lodge before dark."

Nick slapped him on the back affectionately, "Well, let's get going then." He turned to the two ranch hands that were now seated in the wagon, "Shad, Brown, get these tools cleaned up before you put them away I don't want to see any rust on them the next time I use them, understand?"

Both men responded, "yes sir."

Nick gave them a gruff, "good job." Then sent them on their way. Heath handed Nick his horse, Coco, both men quickly mounted and headed for home.

They were almost to the house when they heard rapid hoof beats headed their way, at seeing who was riding toward them Nick gave a low growl of irritation, "aw hell, what now."

Jud Cooper was the man their foreman, Duke McCall, sent when there was a problem. Heath kept his own frustration from showing, this no doubt would delay them from leaving today.

"Mister Barkley?" Jud called out to the two brothers hoping Heath, the calmer of the two, would be the one to answer him.

"What is it?" Nick demanded, impatiently.

Seemingly unfazed by his temperamental boss' less then friendly tone he continued, "McCall said to come get ya. The Rodder's bull busted down the fence, and got in with our stock. Old man Rodder is raising Cain sayin' that he should be payed fer his bull's servicin' our cows. Rodder's been wavin' his rifle around for the past hour and callin' us thieves, sayin' we planed all of this so we could get his bull's services for free. The old mangy thing probably ruined half a them cows for the whole season."

Heath took the news in his usual quiet laid-back manner. Though it rankled him to hear about the situation he wasn't surprised by it, things like this were bound happen when you have property as extensive as the Barkley ranch they had six large ranches bordering their land as well as a dozen other smaller farms and ranches.

Nick on the other hand began to rant, yelling and swearing like a sailor. Jud, like Heath, just sat there calmly waiting for Nick to cool down a bit. His dark-haired cowboy brother, was intimidating at best and down right scarey at worst when he was like this. The fact that Jud never got flustered when Nick lost his temper, and Nick almost always loses his temper when he gets bad news like this, was the reason Duke always sent him. Heath could easily see Cooper as the next foreman, once Mac retired.

Nick started to follow Jud when Heath reached out and grabbed Coco's reins stopping the other man's progress, "I'll take care of this Nick. Why don't you head up to the lodge like we had planed? I'll meet you up there in a day or two, I'll even swing into town and send that wire to Gene so you can head out as soon as you grab your saddlebags. I'll see you in a few days say hi to the rest of the family for me."Heath spurred his horse forward before Nick had a chance to protest. Heath could see how tired and grumpy Nick had gotten over the last couple days, he knew his older brother had been feeling less then his normally heathy self. Even though Nick tried to hide it, Heath notice how often his older brother had, had to stop working and rest.

Some time to rest and relax was just what Nick needed and the sooner the better. Heath surreptitiously looked back and saw that Nick was headed to the house he smiled with satisfaction. The fact that Nick had not ignored Heath's suggestion and followed him out to the pasture was a testament to how tired he really felt.

The past three days had been nothing but one delay after another. Now finally he was on his way to the lodge. Heath had gotten a late start today so he didn't think he would be able to get there before supper. Rodder, had been insistent on compensation, they had finally had to call Sheriff Madden to settle the matter. When all was said and done, because Rodder's bull has a history of breaking out and also that the fence was well maintained determined that he would not be getting any money. And could in fact end up being held accountable for the damages to Barkley property. For the sake of peace Heath decided to just let it go with the understanding that Rodder must keep his bull pinned up faraway from Barkley land and if ever his bull were to do this again they would be pressing charges. Heath would just rebuild the fence at his own expense, the cows had been put aside for special breeding purposes, but Heath figured they could afford to put that breeding program off another year if they had to. Rodder, was so happy to find that he was not going to be made to pay for the cows and fence that his bull had ruined, he readily agreed to Heath's terms. He knew Nick would be upset over this deal at first, but he had faith his brother would see why he did it once he cooled down. Sure they would lose a nice sum of money but it was better then starting a feud or range war, besides they had many other projects in the works that could more then make up for the losses.

Heath had wired Gene that morning and found out that the young man had, had a bad time of it but was now on the mend. Gene had relayed that it seemed as if half of Berkeley was down with some form of influenza seven of which have already died from it. Heath had immediately wired Gene back, telling him he would head out on the next train to be with him, he was worried about his little brother's welfare. Gene assured Heath that he did not need to come and that he was well past any danger he had only had a mild case of the flu. The only effect of the illness still plaguing him was a slight feeling of weakness that the doctor said should go away in a week or two. A couple more wires were sent back and forth before Heath was convinced the youngest Barkley was in deed alright. Heath had left it that he would contact Gene again in a week or so to see if the younger man was truly as heathy as he claimed. He knew that it irritated his brother that he was not just letting it go at his word, but under stating ones health, or lack there of, was a flaw all the Barkleys shared and Eugene was after all a Barkley. So he would be checking on him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As Heath approached the lodge, he noticed something was off, there were no lights on and no sound coming from the house even though it was only eight in the evening and most disturbing of all no smoke coming from the chimney. But more then that there was a feeling of foreboding surrounding the structure like a heave fog. The hair on the back of Heath's neck stood on end as he dismounted Charger and cautiously approached the front door, his right hand held his pistol ready as he opened the door slowly with his left.

Noting nothing out of place in the foyer, Heath stealthily crept to the great room located to his left. Heath gave a quick glance toward the hallway that lead to the bedrooms, he was tempted to just go back there he knew that would be where his family most likely was, but he needed to check the rest of the house first. It wouldn't do them any good if he were to get attacked because he didn't do everything he could to make sure the house was secure before coming to find them.

Heath looked around the great room the furniture was set up much the same as the parlor back home. The room was bigger then the parlor and the furnishings much more rustic but still quite similar. Heath scanned the room and saw a small end table was knocked out of place and a deck of playing cards scattered on the floor around it. Seeing that no one was in that room he made his way to the dinning room he could see right in the room as there was no door to separate the living from the dinning areas. As he came closer to the entrance, he saw a figure slumped at the table. Heath instantly recognized the unconscious man as his brother Nick, Heath quickly but carefully made his way over to Nick, Heath kept his guard up he still wasn't sure who or what might be around to pose a threat.

Heath reached out with his left hand and grabbed his brother's shoulder and shook it gently, all the while keeping his eyes on the surrounding areas assessing them for danger, "Nick? Nick, wake up. Can you hear me?" Heath whispered urgently. When he got no response from his brother Heath scrutinized the room for possible threats one last time before he knelt next to his older brother. Heath pushed the bigger man back so he would sit up in his chair. Heath got his first real look at his brother in the dim light coming from the windows, what he saw made his heart beat painfully in his chest with fear, "Oh Nick, what happened to you?"

* * *

Eww a cliffy. But it's OK I will update soon.

So tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Three**

* * *

Satisfied that the threat was not from man or beast but rather from illness Heath grabbed the oil lamp from the buffet and lit it and set it on the table in front of Nick. Heath took in the sweat-soaked pale fevered form of his brother. It really worried him, how much heat he felt coming off the older man. Nick's head lulled to the side as Heath put a hand on either side of Nick's face and began to lightly slap him in order to wake him up, "Nick? Nick, you need to wake up. Come on big brother." Nick groaned and weakly tried to push Heath's hands away, "That's it, now open your eyes."

"Heath?"

Nick sounded so weak it made Heath's gut churn with fear, Nick never sounded weak, he was always loud and strong, full of energy and fight. What was it that had wiped his brother out like this? What had happened to the rest of the family? Why was Nick left out here like this? Were the rest just as sick or worse, perhaps even dead? That last thought sent such a pain to his heart that it nearly took his breath away, "Yeah Nick, it's me." Heath took a deep breath to steady his voice before he asked the question he dreaded the answer to the most, "Where's the rest of the family Nick? Are they OK?"

Nick's head snapped up and he jumped from his chair. He looked around the room frantically, "the water! I forgot the water and the blankets...and...and supper..." Nick's burst of energy quickly left him and he started to sway. Heath hastily got up from his, kneeling position and grabbed the sick cowboy before he fell, "Nick, don't worry about it I'll take care of everything. You just sit down and rest big brother." The blond cowboy settled him back in his chair, "Nick I need ya to stay here for a bit while I go check on everyone. Ok?"

Satisfied that his brother was not going to fall out of the chair he quickly made his way to the back of the house to check the bedrooms. The first room he came to was the master bedroom, his mother's room, he steeled himself for what he might see and slowly opened the door. There was a low burning lamp on the table by the bed. Victoria was in the bed her grey hair was stuck to her pale fever dampened face what worried Heath the most was the fact that he couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. Heath rushed inside fearing that it was too late. He was almost to the bed when tripped on something he looked down to find Audra lying on the floor with a wet towel in her hand. Heath quickly knelt next to Audra's prone form and began to tap her cheek lightly just as he had Nick. "Audra? Come on honey."

Audra looked up at him with confused glassy blue eyes. "Nick? What..."

Heath quickly scooped her up off the cold floor and into his arms. He cast one last worried glance at the older lady on the bed before he started to carry his little sister to her bedroom. "No Audra, it's me."

"Heath? You're here. I'm so glad you're here. First Jarrod got so sick then Mother...Mother! Heath, mother, where is she? Is she alright? I was taking care of her..." Despite her anxiety, her speech was slow and weak.

Heath settled her on her bed and shushed her. "Shhh, I'll take care of everything, so you don't need to worry about anything. You just change into your nightgown and get into bed and rest. Ok?"

Trusting that her brother had everything well in hand and too sick and weak to protest she quickly agreed with Heath and did as he requested. Heath promptly made his way back to Victoria's room. The blond cowboy stood beside his mother's bed and hesitantly reached out to touch her but just as he was about to make contact Victoria moaned and shifted slightly. Heath let out a huge sigh of relief and quickly assessed her condition. She like Nick and Audra had a high fever and seemed to be very tired and weak. Satisfied that he had done all he could for her for the time being he left her to check on Jarrod in the room next door. Just like his mother's room Jarrod's room was dimly lit Jarrod turned toward Heath as he came through the door.

"Heath? Is that you?" Jarrod weakly croaked as he struggled to sit up.

"Yeah, Jarrod it's me," Heath replied as he gently pushed the dark haired lawyer back onto the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Jarrod gave him a wan smile. "I've been better."

"I'll bet," Heath said with a small chuckle then he turned serious. "So how are you really feeling? You seem to be the only one awake enough to tell me what is wrong with yall," Heath was pretty certain that they were all suffering from various stages of the flu just like Gene, but he wanted to be sure.

"Well, I ache all over, I can't seem to keep much down. I'm cold and I feel like my skin is trying to crawl right off my body. I've never felt so sick or weak in my life."

"Any trouble breathing?"

"No."

"Coughing?"

"A little."

"Diarrhea?"

Jarrod hesitated a moment then nodded slightly embarrassed. Heath smiled sympathetically and told him he would bring in a chamber pot. Heath pulled up his brother's blankets and check to see how high the councilor's fever was one last time before he left. "I have to go take care of Nick and get him to bed and then..."

The older man interrupted Heath. "Nick? What is wrong with Nick?"

"He's sick found him passed out at the dining room table when I got here."

"Mother and Audra?"

Heath merely gave a grim nod of his head.

"How bad?"

"Audra and Nick are no worse off than you but Mother isn't doing well at all. I can't get her to respond to me it's like she's not really awake. It worries me Jarrod. It worries me a lot." With that said Heath left the room to get Nick.

Once he got Nick changed into night clothes and settled in his bed, Heath checked on everyone again then began to make a hearty broth and some willow bark tea for supper. After that was accomplished, he headed outside to take care of Charger as well as the rest of the livestock.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Heath walked out of his mother's room closing the door only three-quarters of the way and sighed he had just got done giving Victoria her second cup of willow bark tea that night. Victoria barely responded to Heath's incessant prodding to get her to drink the healing brew. It was an exhausting struggle of wills. He was not looking forward to repeating the process, but he knew he would have to in just a few short hours. It was well after one in the morning before Heath had finally been able to sit down and get something to eat for himself. He was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open to finish his simple meal of jerky, cheese, and bread. It wasn't so much the physical work that was making him so tired as it was the emotional stress sapping his energy. Heath's day had started at four-thirty the previous morning more than twenty hours ago and it still had not ended yet nor did it seem that it would be anytime soon.

Heath wearily got up from the little table in the kitchen and put away the leftover cheese and bread. Heath scrubbed his hand over his tired eyes he needed to figure out what he was going to do tomorrow. 'I could go for help...no, I would have to be gone for more than a day and they are all too sick to take care of themselves... and mother she would likely die without constant care and I'm the only one well enough to provide that care.' Heath thought as he went about putting some water to the boil so he could wash the sheets he planned on changing in the morning. His Mama and Hannah had taught him that the best way to fight sickness was to make sure that everything around those who were sick was cleaned often. He wasn't sure how having clean sheets, nightclothes, and washing your hands helped people get better or helped to prevent others from getting sick he just knew that it did. He shoved a couple more logs into the big cast-iron stove then he left the kitchen to make his way to the bedrooms to make his rounds.

Heath quietly entered Nick's room and looked at his pale sickly face. Heath frowned as he saw Nick shiver he laid his hand on the dark haired cowboy's forehead his frown deepened as he noted the increased heat coming from the older man. Heath's first instinct was to get another blanket for him but he knew that doing so would do more harm than good so he merely tucked the blankets that were already on the bed more securely around his older brother. The blond cowboy made a mental note to give Nick another cup of willow bark tea after he was done check on the others. Next stop was Audra's room he found her sleeping peacefully he checked to see how high her fever was and was happy to note that her temperature was lower than before. Heath just stood outside her door for a moment he was quickly losing steam and if he was going keep this up he needed to come up with a more efficient way to care for his family. Mother needs almost constant care and the way Nick was looking he would also.

Heath knew he would not be able to look after Nick and Mother the way they needed without some sort of help. And though he hated to do it he saw no other way but to rely on Jerrod and Audra for a little help. He just hoped that what he was asking of them wasn't too much and that they wouldn't get any sicker because of it. With a plan halfway formed in his mind, he pushed away from Audra's door and continued his rounds.

* * *

Tell me what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N This is what I like to call a filler chapter it is kind of boring but necessary to set the scene for the next chapter. Thank you again for your feedback.

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Four**

* * *

Jarrod was sitting up in his bed when Heath came to check on him. Jarrod watched his younger brother walk up next to his bed and noted his slightly sluggish movements and frowned. "Have you slept at all Heath?"

Heath just shook his head no as he touched his hand to Jarrod's forehead. When he found that Jarrod was no worse Heath sat down on the bed next to his brother. Heath turned to him with a grim look on his tired face. Worry and fear gripped Jarrod as he waited for Heath to talk. Thankfully he didn't have to wait long.

"I need your help, Jarrod. Nick has gotten much worse. I'm going to have to move you in with him so you can keep an eye on him."

In some ways, Jarrod was relieved to hear this because he had for one terrifying moment thought that Heath was going to tell him that his mother had died. On the other hand, hearing that Nick had gotten so much worse was worrisome.

"What do you need me to do Heath?" He wanted to ask so many more questions but didn't think Heath was up to it just then.

Heath smiled at him and got up from the bed. "I just need you to watch him and tell me if he gets worse or if I need to do something for him. There's already an extra bed in Nick's room so if you are ready to go I can get you settled in there now."

Jarrod nodded and sat up in his bed with his legs over the side. Heath put his arm around Jarrod and helped him to stand. "What about Mother and Audra? How are they?" Jarrod asked a little winded as he walked to Nick's room.

"Mother is the same. But Audra seems to be doing a little better. I'm going to pull one of the smaller beds from the loft and put it in Mother's room. Then Audra can look after her the same way you're going to look after Nick."

As soon as he had Jarrod settled in the extra bed he went into Jarrod's room and pulled off the bedclothes. Heath tiredly went back to the kitchen and dumped the sheets into the boiling pot of water. He took a deep breath knowing it would be a chore and a half to get that bed from the upstairs loft down all by himself.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Heath grunted in exhaustion and strain as he finally shoved the bed up against the wall. It took him almost three hours to disassemble the bed and take it down the stairs and reassemble it in his mother's room. All the while trying to keep an eye on Victoria and an ear to heard for any trouble. He quickly made up the bed then made his way to Audra's room to check on her and move her into Victoria's room.

Heath knelt next to Audra and gently placed his hand her forehead and noted she was the same.

"Audra? Honey, I need you to wake up," the blond said as he lightly shook her shoulder.

"What? Wha...Heath?" Audra asked in confusion.

"Come on Sis wake up. I need to talk with you." Audra slowly sat up and nodded for Heath to continue. "Mother isn't doing very well and I need you to say with her and look after her. You think you can do that?"

"Of course Heath just let me grab my blanket and pillow," she stated as she started to get out of her bed.

"No need. I set up a bed in there for you. You don't have to tend to her Audra, just watch her and tell me when she needs something. I want you to stay in your bed and get better yourself. It won't do anyone any good if you make yourself sicker," he said as he helped her down the hall.

Audra got into the freshly made bed and looked over at her mother. "Oh Heath, she looks so pale and still. I don't know what I'd do if..." Heath placed his hand on her shoulder stopping her from completing her thought. "She is one of the strongest people I have ever known. She will fight this and get better. You just wait and see," Heath said comfortingly though he wasn't sure if he believed his own words. Heath gently pushed Audra back so she was lying down and tucked the blankets around her. Heath stood up and started to walk away but was stopped when Audra's hand grabbed his. "Heath, you need to get some rest too." He smiled and nodded warmed by his sister's concern.

He walked out of the room and leaned against the wall next to the door. As much as he would like nothing more than to get some sleep after close to twenty-four hours of being up he knew that was just not an option right now. He needed to make another pot of willow bark tea and give it to his family then empty and wash chamber pots, pull the sheets from the boiling water to dry and wash the dishes. Just the mere thought of what all he needed to do before he could get some sleep was enough to make him feel a little overwhelmed. Not to mention the chores that would need to be done later in the morning. The animals would need to be fed and watered and sooner rather then later he would have to split some firewood. Jarrod, Audra, and Victoria had been at the cabin for a week already and had used most of the chopped firewood. And since Jarrod was not feeling well he had not been out chopping more to replenish their supply. Then by the time Nick had gotten there, Mother had also been ill and he was too busy taking care of them to chop wood. Knowing that nothing would get done with him just standing there he pushed away from the wall and went to the kitchen.

It was eight-thirty in the morning and Heath had just dozed off after a sleepless night of hard work when he heard the near-panicked yell from Audra. Heath jumped up from his uncomfortable position in the kitchen chair where he had nodded off. He ran into the room to see Audra on Victoria's bed trying to hold down their delirious Mother as she flailed about fighting off some unseen enemy. "Heath, we have to cool her down now, her fever is too high. Maybe we could give her an ice bath or something?"

Heath stepped forward to help her hold Victoria down. "The winter runoff should make the creek out back nice and cold. I can fill the tub up with that and we could bathe mother in it," Heath said as he tried to keep the older woman in her bed.

"Ok, go. I can take care of her, just hurry," Audra said trying hard not to cry at seeing her Mother in such a state. Heath nodded and ran into the kitchen grabbing two buckets then ran out to the ice cold creek and started bringing in buckets of water to fill the tub. It took him seven trips out to the creek before the bathtub had enough water in it.

Heath went back in the room to get his mother and carry her to the bathroom to put her in the tub. Audra was now standing next to the bed trying to clean up their mother who had become sick all over herself and her bed. Heath went around his sister and picked up Victoria. "I've got the tub ready you can clean her up in there." Audra nodded and followed her brother out of the room. Heath placed the feverish woman still in her night clothes in the icy water. Audra knelt next to the tub and began soaking her mother. She would take the wet washcloth and run in over the other woman's head and face. Heath discreetly left the two women giving his Mother some privacy.

"Heath, what's wrong? Is Mother all right?" Jarrod asked from where he was swaying on unsteady legs in the doorway of his and Nick's room. Heath jogged down the hall to his older brother and put a supporting arm around him. "Her fever spiked and we put her in a cold bath to help it come down. Audra's in there with her right now," Heath explained as he guided Jerrod back to his bed.

"I heard Audra yell and then you running in and out of the house I thought..." Jarrod trailed off clearly not wanting to voice his fear. "She's still with us Jarrod. I'm sure the bath will help bring her fever right down," he assured the lawyer.

"Heath?" Called a weak voice behind the blond cowboy. Heath spun around surprised and went to Nick's bedside. "Yeah, Nick?"

Nick's unfocused eyes scanned the room trying to find Heath. Nick's gaze passed over the blond a few times before he was able to zero in on his little brother. "What time is it? We have to round up the herd and get them ready for market," Nick slurred as he tried to get up. Heath gently rested his hand on Nick's chest, but Nick was so weak there was really no need to try and restrain the sick man. It distressed him greatly to see his strong loud brother so confused and weakened by this sickness. "Nick, the drive isn't for another month. We're up at the summer cabin remember."

Nick's brow furrowed trying to remember after a moment or two his expression cleared. "Mother and Jarrod. They were sick. Heath." Knowing by the tone in which Nick said his name Heath understood that he was worried about the others and was asking about them. Heath moved out of Nick's line of vision and pointed to the other bed in the room. Nick looked past his younger brother to see Jarrod lying in the bed smiling at him. The dark-haired cowboy smiled and waved weakly at the lawyer then turned back to the blond, "Mother?"

"She's alive," Heath simply stated not wishing to lie to his brother but also not wanting to worry the sick man further. "Nick, I'm going to get you some breakfast," Heath said as he moved away from the bed. Heath caught Jarrod's eye and mouthed 'keep him awake' the older man nodded his understanding and began talking to Nick.

Heath quickly dished up a bowl of broth and a cup of willow bark tea and brought it back to Nick. Heath sat on the edge of the bed and helped his brother eat his breakfast. Halfway through his bowl of broth Nick fell asleep. Heath put the bowl on the bedside table and pulled the blankets up around Nick.

The blond then look over at the men in the other bed, "How 'bout you Jarrod you feel up to a little breakfast yourself? Maybe some fruit and a biscuit?"

"And coffee?" Jarrod questioned hopefully. "Sure, I'll be back in a minute," Heath said as he took the leftover broth and half-empty cup of tea with him to the kitchen. Heath put together Jarrod's meal and placed the plate and mug on the tray that was set up over the lawyer's lap.

Heath's own stomach was beginning to protest it's neglect. He decided to give in to its demands and make a quick meal for himself. Thankfully he had been able to finish his meal before he was called to duty once more.

* * *

I know it ends a little abruptly but I had to end there because the next chapter is going to be packed with a lot of stuff and like said before this is just a filler chapter to set up the next chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Five**

* * *

Heath walked into the bathroom careful to keep his eyes up. He knew that the summer nightgown his mother was wearing would be completely see-through now that it was wet. Heath handed Audra a light blanket to place over Victoria. Audra unfolded it and draped it over Victoria. "Alright, Heath. She's doing much better. I think the cold bath saved her," Audra stated as she smiled up at her brother.

Heath smiled back at her and stepped forward to lift the older lady out of the already drained tub. Heath couldn't help but shiver when the cold water still clinging to Victoria's clothes seeped in his shirt. Heath waited for his sister to fallow him.

As soon as her mother had been removed from the tub Audra placed a brick over the drain stopper to prevent any unwanted critters from climbing up it. She then trailed Heath to their mother's room.

When Heath caught sight of the soiled bed he cursed under his breath he had completely forgotten to change the bed. He placed Victoria on the bench in the corner of the room. Audra quickly sat down next to her mother in order to support their mother should she begin to fall from her seated position. "Mother can't stay in these wet clothes," Audra said as she began to tug at the blanket wrapped around her mother. Heath noticed the sloppy movements and saw her hands and forearms were red and chapped from the cold water.

"Do you need help with Mother?" Heath offered as he shifted back and forth on his feet clearly hoping Audra would turn him down. It was all Audra could do not to laugh at her uncomfortable flushed faced brother. "That's Ok Heath I think I can manage it myself."

Heath started to back out of the room, "I'll be just outside the door. Call me when you're done or if you need help."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Heath stood by the door for close to a half hour before Audra called him back in. While he waited he would every once and awhile yell through the door to check on them. Every time Audra would reply that they were fine Heath would nearly sag with relief.

He walked into the room and found both women winded and leaning up against each other. He knelt in front the women and placed a hand on each of their foreheads. Audra's temperature was the same as before, but Victoria's temperature though considerably lower than before it was still rather high. By the time Heath stood both women were asleep. He went over to the bed and stripped it and took the dirty bedclothes to the boiling pot and dumped them in he would come back and scrub them later. Heath grabbed fresh bed linens and quilt and in a few short minutes, he had the bed ready for their mother.

Heath shook Audra's shoulder, she woke with a start and looked around the room then at her brother. "You should go to bed Audra you have done more than enough today," the blond said as he picked up his mother. "No. Not yet I want to see Jarrod and Nick for a little bit," Audra stated as she shadowed Heath to their mother's bed rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

As soon as Victoria was placed on the cool bed her eyes popped open and locked onto Heath. "Tom? Where are the children? Audra and Eugene are too little to be left alone. Tom?" Heath grabbed her hand and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. "No. Not Tom, it's me Heath" Victoria stiffened and looked at him suspiciously, "Heath? Heath who?"

"Heath Barkley your son." Victoria instantly jerked away from Heath and her panicked eyes darted around the room looking for only she knew what. "You're not my son. Get away from me and get out of this house. My husband will be here any moment." When she saw Heath lean closer to her instead of leaving, she began to fight him off and scream for her long-dead husband, "Tom! Don't you touch me! Tom! Help!"

"Mother, please calm down it's only Heath he would never hurt you. Please, Mother, you're going to hurt yourself," Audra pleaded as she too tried to hold down the older woman.

Heath firmly held Victoria's wrists in his hand to prevent her from hitting him and from hurting herself. "Please, mother..."

Victoria cut him off viciously, "Don't you call me that. Tom! Leave me alone you bastard!"

Heath's head snapped back as if she had psychically smacked him. Audra's head whipped around to look at her brother hoping against hope that Heath had not understood Victoria's weak-voiced rants. But one look at Heath's face showed he had heard. He wore _that look_ , how she hated _that look_. She and Heath continued to struggle with Victoria for a minute or two more before she passed out from exhaustion. Audra watched as Heath mechanically straitened their mother's bed. She put her hand out to touch him but he subtly sidestepped out of her reach.

She looked up at his expressionless face _that look_ still firmly in place. It had been years since the last time she had seen it. Watching _that look_ come over him was like looking at a heavy vault door being closed. All that was Heath, all that was her brother was securely locked away behind those impenetrable walls. She knew Heath was never so far away, so unreachable then when he wore _that look_.

Audra tried once again to comfort her blond brother. "Heath, She didn't..."

"I have to go clean the horse paddock, it's been neglected and it is gettin' bad. You don't stay too long visiting Jarrod and Nick yall need your rest," Heath cut her off. He rested his hands on her shoulders a moment as he walked past her out of the room.

"Heath?" She called after him he just kept on walking not responding to her at all. She wasn't sure if he hadn't heard her or if he was just ignoring her, either way, she wasn't going to be able to get him to talk to her. Audra checked her mother one last time then made her way to Jarrod and Nick's room.

Audra knocked lightly on the boy's door and waited till she heard Jarrod answer before she entered. Jarrod was sitting on the side of his bed when Audra walked in. Jarrod watched as Audra lovingly brush the hair off of Nick's face as he slept. She then walked around Nick's bed straitening it he observed her sluggish movements and knew they were more due to a troubled mind than a sick body. He sensed the silent debate going on in her head, he knew she wanted to confide in him but was unsure if she should burden him with her troubles. Had he not been sick she would not have hesitated to pour her heart out to him.

Jarrod patiently waited for his blond hair sister to finish fussing over Nick and greet him. If by then she was still worried whether or not to talk with him, he would just have to ask her outright. She spoke quietly to Nick clearly stalling while she made up her mind. Finally, she kissed Nick's forehead and turned to make her way to her oldest brother. She stood in front of Jarrod with a troubled smile. Jarrod held out one hand to her while patting the bed next to him with the other. Audra quickly accepted the lawyer silent offer and sat next to Jarrod. He knew then that she had decided to tell him what was bothering her.

Jarrod remained quiet as he waited for Audra to begin talking. The fact that she had remained quiet for so long was a testament to how upsetting, whatever it was, was to her. Jarrod was about to speak when Audra suddenly looked up at him, tears brimming ready to fall from her eyes. "Jarrod, it was so awful," the young woman cried as she buried her face in Jarrod's shoulder. He tightened his arm around her and began rubbing her arm comfortingly. "I know it must have been terrible to see Mother so sick with such a high fever. But Heath told me that he felt the cold bath was going to work and she would be fine. Don't you think he's right?" Jarrod said trying to get her to calm down and talk to him.

"No," Jarrod looked at her a little surprised Audra saw this and quickly started to explain what she meant, "no, no I didn't... I don't...I know Heath was right, Mother is doing a bit better." Audra took a deep breath and pushed away from Jarrod so she could see his face. "After we had taken Mother out of the bath, Heath had to change mother's bed. I was so tired I fell asleep on the bench with Mother while he did that. After he was done he put her in the bed and she woke up. At first, she thought Heath was Father, but when he told her who he was she did not believe him and started fighting him. She thought Gene and I were still babies," Audra stated the last part a little distractedly then focused back on Jarrod and continued. "I tried to help Heath. To help Mother to calm her down. But she just kept on fighting and saying such horrible things to Heath. She kept calling for Father to help her. I tried talking to her hoping she would quit focusing on Heath and maybe come out of her delusion. But it was like I wasn't even in the room no matter what I did she wouldn't respond to me. She hit Heath told him he wasn't her son and called him..." a pained expression stole over her features. "Oh Jarrod, she called him a bastard."

Jarrod had of course been distressed to hear what had happened but the last part had completely stunned him. "Jarrod it hurt him so badly to hear Mother say those things to him. He has _that look_ on his face," she stated clearly upset. Jarrod needed no other explanation he knew exactly what _that look_ was and what it's appearance meant. He hadn't seen it for two years and was thankful for that. Heath only wore _that look_ when he felt the need to protect himself from the hate of those around him. It was like he would put on an invisible suit of armor and while he wore it no one nor anything could hurt him.

"I wanted to tell him that she didn't mean it that Mother was just confused because of the fever and would never say anything like that to him otherwise, but he wouldn't let me," Audra explained further.

"I'm sure he already knows that honey. Just give him time, when he is ready to accept our comfort we will be ready to give it," Jarrod assured. Audra nodded still distraught. "I know you are right it's just hard to see him hurt so and not be able to help him. I'm so confused Jarrod part of me wants Mother to remember what she has done so she might put it right with Heath. But the other part of me hopes she never remembers for I know she would be crushed to know what she had said and done to Heath. I know mother would rather die than hurt him or any of us like that." Jarrod just nodded and rubbed her arm again. He wasn't sure what he could say to her that would relieve her distress over the situation.

Both just sat there quietly, lost in their own thoughts. Audra and Jarrod turned to the door when they heard it open. Heath walked into the room and checked Nick then looked at Audra. "I put a tray of food next to your bed, so when hungry it's there." Heath looked the two over then left the room.

Hearing about _that look's_ reappearance was distressing but seeing Heath's dead expression and distant demeanor was that much worse. Jarrod imagined that he could have read more emotions from the eyes of a corpse than he could from his brother at the moment.

Jarrod felt a wave of fatigue hit him and he swayed slightly. Audra felt this and knew it was time to go. She stood and kissed him on the cheek, "I'm going back to my room. You should rest now you are looking a little pale." Audra was at the door when she hesitated then looked back at her brother, worry etched on her face. "Jarrod?"

"I know honey, it will be fine. Heath will be fine," Jarrod said reassuringly. Audra snapped her head in a stiff nod then turned and left.

* * *

Tell me what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Six**

* * *

' _You're not my son, Leave me alone you bastard_.' Victoria's words kept replaying in his mind. Each time cutting him a little deeper. His emotional armor didn't seem to be as effective as it once had been. He tried to shake off his thoughts and continue to clean up the horse's paddock.

But his mind just couldn't let it go.

He knew. He knew she wasn't in her right mind when she said those things to him. But that didn't stop those words from stabbing at his heart. He knew it, he really did. Or at least the part of him that was Heath Barkley knew. The part of him that had fully embraced this family and this life. He knew that this woman he now called mother loved him like her own and would never in her right mind say such things to him. She would never hurt him like so many others had. He knew she would be one of the first to stand up for him if he were in trouble. She was the first to believe he was a Barkley and to welcome him to the family. He knew she loved him. He knew.

But that other part, that very small part, of him that he kept firmly buried in the furthest reaches of his mind. That part of him that was still Heath Thomson Strawberries town bastard and who felt that's all he ever would be. The part of him who believed on some level that he didn't deserve the same advantages as those born under the blanket of a marriage license had. Didn't deserve or understand why this loving family had accepted him so wholeheartedly. He felt the other shoe had just dropped and what he knew would happen all along had just come to pass. He had just been proven right that no one as regal and good and kind as Mrs. Barkley, a true lady, could take him in and really love him like a mother should.

The whole time he spent cleaning the paddock his mind warred with itself. Going round and round like a merry-go-round never really going anywhere just tracking back over the same old ground. _'She would have never said it if she were in her right mind. She would never have said it if she didn't feel that way about me deep down. She thought I was a strange man attacking her while she was in bed. But she said just the right things that would hurt me the most why would she do that unless she knew it was me. She didn't really know it was me, in her mind father was still alive and Gene and Audra were obviously very young, she didn't even know I existed then_.' On and on it went till he could no longer think for the pure mental exhaustion it caused him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Heath scooped up the last of the manure and dumped it into the wheelbarrow, filling it for the third time that day. It was amazing how fast it can pile up when multiple horses were left in the same fairly small enclosure for close to a week. Though they had been fed and watered the paddock had been completely neglected. Heath set the pitchfork on its tines and put his hands on the top of each other on the end of the pitchfork then rested his cheek on top of them. Heath closed his gritty, stinging eyes and leaned more heavily on the pitchfork. Within moments he began to drift off as the days of nonstop work and stress caught up with him. As he fell deeper into sleep he began to lean more and more on the pitchfork. His balance on the tines became progressively more precarious as he slowly began to pitch forward.

Heath had fallen asleep completely and did not feel himself losing his balance, till it was too late. Just before he toppled over he woke up only to see himself fall into the flank of one of the wagon horses, Tike. As soon as he crashed into Tike the horse panicked and bucked. Heath slid off the side of the horse as it reared up to buck. As he fell Tike kicked out and narrowly missed hitting Heath in the head. Heath landed flat on his face, Tike's hooves came so close to slamming down on his head that he could feel the wind caused by the feet hitting the ground on his face.

Well aware of how perilous his current situation was he quickly tried to get out of the paddock. Looking around the pen he saw Blue Tike's fellow wagon horse start to react to Tike's panic and began to buck and run around the small enclosure as well. The only bright point in all of this was that Jingo, Coco, and Charger were all holding their ground. Though they were clearly agitated by the raucous, they were well trained and remained on the far side on the pen.

Blue and Tike started to fight and run into one another with Heath caught right in the middle. He started to crawl away from the terrified horses ducking and dodging flying hooves and legs. Blue had come so close to hitting Heath he felt the shirt across his back being pulled by a hoof.

Heath was within scant feet of freedom when hooves slammed into his hip and butt causing him to tumble sideways. Instead of trying to get up Heath went with the force of the blow and continued to roll his way right under the bottom rail of the paddock fence. Once outside the pen, Heath lay on his back trying to catch his breath. He only stayed there a moment or two before he got back up knowing he needed to calm the horses down before they hurt themselves or each other. Mother natures' anesthetic, adrenalin, was blessedly preventing Heath from feeling the worst of the pain from where he had been kicked.

Heath stood next to the paddock fence and talked soothingly to the scared horses. He saw that the pitchfork was now in pieces from being trampled. Thankfully the wheelbarrow was still in one piece and upright. He didn't want to clean up the pen again especially since he no longer had a pitchfork.

Once Blue and Tike calmed down enough for Heath to safely enter the pen he haltered them and tied them to either side of the paddock. Both horses were bleeding and would need to be taken care of. But before he did that he moved Jingo, Coco, and Charger to the meadow behind the cabin and hobbled them. They would happily graze there for hours the creek ran through the meadow so they would have plenty of water as well. They would also be out of Heath's way as he patched up the wagon horses. He went back to the pen and removed the broken pitchfork and the wheelbarrow then ran into the house to grab what he would need to take care of the two injured animals.

Heath looked Tike over first and saw that, though his back leg was swollen the gash on it was superficial and only needed to be cleaned. Blue, on the other hand, had a deep cut on his hindquarters. From the wood splinters, Heath pulled out of the wound he figured it had been caused by the broken handle of the pitchfork. Though how exactly that had happened he didn't even want to think about he was just glad it hadn't done more damage. Once he was done sewing Blue up he removed his halter and let him roam around the paddock freely once more. He stiffly made his way to Tike and freed him as well and gave the horse an affectionate pat. He didn't blame the animals for what had happened he knew it was all his fault.

Heath walked over to the front porch of the cabin and sat on the steps careful not to put any wait on his injury. As time had worn on his hip and backside had started to bug him more and more and he was forced to move with much more care. He could not believe how stupid and careless he had been. What would have happened to his family if he had been hurt more seriously or perhaps even killed? He needed to stop pushing himself so hard and he needed to get some sleep and food. Today's accident was due solely to his own carelessness and he wouldn't have been careless had he not been so tired.

Heath closed his eyes and replayed the whole incident in his mind again. He was thankful his family, especially Nick, had not been there to see it. Nick would have razzed him from now until the turn of the century for his foolishness. As it was, he was going to have a hard time hiding the fact that he was hurt. If they found out he was injured they would ask him about it. Heath could just imagine how that conversation would go. 'Heath why can't you sit properly? Are you hurt? What happened? Well, I got my ass kicked.' _No thank you_. Heath thought he would just as soon pass on that conversion. Heath shook his head and gave a short humorless laugh at his own idiocy.

Heath slowly got up and made his way to the kitchen. He quickly scrubbed Victoria's bedding and hung them on the clothesline out back to dry. He then grabbed the now dry sheets that he had washed earlier and brought them into the house and folded them. He made himself a hardy lunch and quickly wolfed it down. After he was finished with his meal he went and checked on his family. He found them all sleeping peacefully. Jarrod's fever had gone up a bit but nothing too serious. Heath took the now empty food tray next to Audra's bed to the kitchen and washed the dishes.

Heath looked around the house one last time and found that no one nor anything needed his immediate attention. Heath grabbed the folded sheets and headed to Jarrod's old room. He shook the sheet out over the bed and let it float down to rest on the bed. The sheet had no sooner hit the bed then Heath was laying on top of it. He thought briefly that maybe he should take his boots off but the blond was asleep before he could make a move to do so.

* * *

Tell me what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Seven**

* * *

Heath was startled awake not really knowing what woke him he looked around the now dark room. Neither seeing or hearing anything Heath relaxed and pinched the bridge of his nose to help relieve the slight pounding behind his eyes. He scooted over to the bedside table and lit the lamb that was on it. He then felt around his pockets for his watch and was surprised to find that it was nearly ten PM. He had slept for more than eight hours.

"Heath!" Jarrod shouted from the other room. Heath instantly turned and sat up and immediately flipped back on his side as sharp burning pain shot through his hip and butt. He took a few deep breaths till the pain eased then very carefully stood up. He limped down the hall to Jarrod and Nick's room. He stopped just outside the door and gathered himself so he could walk in there without limping. Feeling he was ready he opened the door and was assaulted by the uniquely sour smell of vomit which almost made him gag.

Jarrod was trying to push Nick back on his bed. Nick had obviously leaned over the side of the bed to be sick in the bucket but then became too tired to pull himself back on the bed. Heath moved as fast as his injury would allow and settled Nick back in his bed. Heath stood and put an arm around Jarrod, who was pale and shaky and helped him to his bed. Jarrod had clearly been sick as well, as the chamber pot by his bed was full. Once Jarrod was in bed Heath opened all the windows to air out the room. The night air was refreshingly cool but not too cold so he wasn't concerned about it making his brothers worse.

Heath took the bucket and chamber pot and emptied and washed them. On his way back to the room he caught sight of his reflection in one of the windows in the kitchen. He was shocked to see how disheveled he looked. His hair stuck up at all angles, his face was smudged with dirt and god knows what else. He looked down at his clothes, his shirt was stained with dirt and sweat. And his pants were in no better shape, they were hardly even recognizable as his regular tan colored pants. As bad as he looked he had no doubt he smelled worse.

Heath put the bucket and chamber pot back to there former places then handed Jarrod a tin of crackers. Jarrod sent Heath a dubious look, refusing to take the tin. The poor man was fighting hard to keep what little he had left in his stomach down. "Here, these will help settle your stomach, just eat them slowly." Heath said as he placed the tin on Jarrod's lap. Not waiting to see if Jarrod would listen to him Heath moved to check on Nick. The dark-haired man's sleep was uneasy and Heath was dismayed to find that Nick's fever had spiked. Heath went back to the kitchen and washed his hands and face then set a pot of willow bark tea to brew. Then went out to the creek and filled a pitcher with the icy water. He hoped to get Nick's fever under control with just the tea and cold compresses he really didn't think he would be up to muscling his older brother into the tub.

For the next three hours, Heath alternated between giving Nick sips of tea and washing him down. Finally, Nick's fever began to loosen its grip on him. Heath pulled a light sheet over his brother he felt it was now safe to leave Nick to rest. If only he could get up. His whole body ached horribly from sitting so long. After about the second hour in that chair, Heath had seriously questioned whether he would be able to get up. At the end of three hours, he was sure that the burning pain from his knees to his ribs had welded him the chair.

But knowing he needed to get up and get himself cleaned up and check on Audra and Victoria he braced himself for his next move. Heath shot a look to Jarrod to make sure he was asleep before he tried to get up he didn't want to worry his bother with his injury. Finding that he was indeed asleep, Heath gritted his teeth and slowly levered himself out of the chair. Once he was standing a wave of pain blossomed in his lower back. He clenched his jaw and held his breath till the pain dissipated to a tolerable level.

He slowly made his way out of the room and looked in on the women. Once he was sure they were fine he began to fill the tub so he could take a quick bath. Heath relaxed as he soaked in the warm water, what was supposed to be a quick bath turned into an hour long soak. The warm water did wonders to loosen his sore muscles and ease the pain in his severely bruised hip and butt.

Heath reluctantly got out of the tub feeling better then he had in days he actually felt refreshed and a bit energized. Once he was dressed he took his dirty clothes and put them in the fresh wash water to soak. Heath slowly walked into Victoria and Audra's room this was the first time he had entered the room without knowing if the older lady was asleep or not since the incident. Seeing that Victoria was sleeping Heath relaxed a bit, her words still hurt him, but also he did not know how she would react to him. And he didn't want to scare her like she had been before. If she were still out of it and did not recognize him it would do neither of them any good and most likely terrify her and hurt him.

Heath rested his hand lightly on her forehead and smiled, finding she only had a slight fever. He hoped this meant that she was over the worst and on the mend. Heath started to pull his hand away and saw Victoria's eyes flutter open. He tensed and anxiously waited to see how she would react. Her eyes focused on him, "Heath, is that you?"

"Yes mo..., yes mother."

Victoria smiled at him warmly, "I'm so glad you're here, I didn't think you would be here so soon. Nick said you had to stay home for a few days to take care of something with the ranch."

"I'm glad too, you have been very sick. You had us all scared." Heath didn't feel the need to tell any more than that. He was just relieved she had not noticed his hesitation in calling her mother, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. She was not even aware that she had said anything hurtful to him in her delirium. And really he hoped she wouldn't ever remember it, it would only hurt her and she didn't deserve that.

She gave a weak nod and looked as if she was about to say something but fell asleep before she could get anything out. Heath tucked the blankets around her shoulders and stood back. Heath shot a look at the other bed and was surprised to see Audra was awake and looking at him. Victoria may have missed his hesitation but Audra obviously hadn't.

Audra watched as her brother walked over to her and knelt by the bed. She wanted so badly to take away that hurt and doubt she saw in his eyes. Heath smiled at her and kissed her forehead and rested his hand on her cheek. She knew Heath was telling her in his own way that he was fine, that he didn't want her to worry and for her to just let it go and forget it. She wasn't happy about the last part but decided that for now she would do that for him and nodded. "How are you feeling," Heath asked. "About the same as before just not as weak."

"Are you hungry? Would you like some dinner?"

"Yes, please."

Heath stood and could not help a pained hiss that escaped. Audra looked up at him concerned, "Heath?"

"It's nothing. I'm just a little sore," Heath assured as he walked out of the room. Audra was not completely convinced that was all there was to it but decided to let it go for the time being.

Heath prepared a light meal for Audra and himself and filled a cup of broth for Victoria if she should wake up. Heath pulled a chair next to his sister's bed and ate dinner with her. Audra kept up a light conversion throughout dinner clearly enjoying the little bit of normalcy having a meal with family gave her.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The rest of the night passed uneventfully and Heath had been able to go back to bed for a few hours. After Heath had made his rounds and made breakfast for everyone, he went out to check on the horses. Heath rounded up Coco, Jingo, and Charger and put them back in the paddock with Tike and Blue. Seeing that his family seemed to be doing a lot better he felt this would be as good a time as any to go for help. He knew taking the wagon would be easier on his backside but didn't feel it would be wise to push the already hurt horses. Tike's swollen leg though not of concern now it could easily become worse and cause the horse to go lame if used too much. And Blue could not pull the wagon by himself, so Heath would have to ride.

Heath saddled Charger and painfully mounted the horse. His pants tightened on his bruised hip and butt causing sharp burning pain to radiate throughout the injured area. Heath clenched his jaw and rode around the cabin determined to do what he had planned. After about ten minutes the pain had become unbearable and Heath had to get off Charger. Barely able to walk Heath unsaddled Charger and put him back in the paddock.

Heath leaned up ageist the paddock fence upset with his inability to get help for his family. But not being one to dwell on things he could not change when he needed to deal with the here and now. He pushed away his self-critical thoughts and decided that the best thing to do was just to wait two or three days for him to heal a bit and then if his family was still doing ok he would go for help then.

* * *

Tell me what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Eight**

* * *

Heath stood stacking the newly chopped firewood on the back porch. It had been three days since his failed attempt to ride for help. Though his hip and backside had indeed healed a bit over the past few days they were still quite swollen. Because of the swelling Heath had taken to wearing Nick's pants as they were a bit bigger than his own and didn't rub up against his bruises as much. As time passed, the bruises changed color and faded making his hip look like some sort of weird rainbow. The most painful bruises were black and dark purple, while the rest were various shades of blue and green.

Heath smiled as he heard Audra humming softly as she prepared some tea for her mother and herself. Audra had improved so much over the last few days that she was now able to take over most of Victoria's care. Victoria no longer had a fever and had gained her apatite back, unfortunately, her age was working against her and making her recovery very slow. Nick was making steady improvement though still very weak and fighting a low-grade fever. His apatite had started to come back as well. But the illness had taken its toll on the dark-haired cowboy causing him to lose more than a few pounds since he had first gotten sick. Jarrod's illness seemed to hang on for all it was worth, though he hadn't gotten any worse he had not gotten any better either. He too was fighting a low-grade fever but unlike the others, he still had a queasy stomach and did not eat very much. But on the whole, his family was doing better so he figured he would try to ride for help early tomorrow morning. Hopefully, he would be able to make it, he planned on taking turns between riding and walking that way maybe it would not aggravate his injuries so much.

Heath placed the last log on the porch and took his little wood cart to the pile of felled trees on the far side of the meadow. Seeing that he had worked all that he could by himself on this side of the pile and walked around back of it. Unfortunately, the back side rested on the edge of a fairly steep decline and it made it a more difficult to saw the tree into more manageable sized logs. Heath found himself firm footing and began to work.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Heath wiped the sweat from his eye with his arm and put the saw down he had finally sawed the tree free of the others. All he would have to do now was take the axe and chop away the branches to make it ready to be split into firewood. He had spent the last two hours working on that tree and felt he should go and check on his family and get some lunch before he tackled copping it up and splitting the logs.

Heath walked into the cabin and smelled chicken being cooked he made his way to the kitchen and found a pale and tired looking little sister. Audra stood next to the stove tending to a pan full of fried chicken. Heath took the cooking fork from her and guided her to the nearest chair. "What were your doing? You shouldn't be up and about like this. Cooking. You're still not well enough yet to be out of bed for so long," Heath gently chided.

"I just wanted to help you, Heath. You have been doing so much all by yourself. I know your hurt and I just didn't want you to have to do everything yourself," Audra explained. Heath smiled touched that his sister would be so concerned for him and try to help him. "I'm not doing it all myself you and Jarrod have been helping me from the very beginning. And since you have been feeling better you have been taking over most of Mother's care. You are already doing more than enough. Don't worry about me I'm just fine," Heath said as he walked Audra back to her room.

Once Audra was back in her bed he went back to the kitchen and finished cooking the chicken. He was surprised that Audra had been able to catch, kill and dress what looked to be at least two chickens in her still illness weakened state, it was no wonder she looked so tired. Heath severed the fried chicken to his family.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Heath pulled up a chair in between his brother's two beds deciding to eat his meal with Nick and Jarrod. "Heath, you smell like a skunk. What have you been doing?" Nick teased as he waved a hand dramatically in front of his face. "Well, Nick, that's what happens when you're out working instead of lying in bed all day," Heath said in his lazy drawl with a slight smirk showing on his face. Nick took a playful swipe at Heath nearly upsetting the tray on his lap. Heath merely ducked out of his reach laughing. "You know, he has a point brother Nick," Jarrod added and he chuckled at his two brothers.

Lunch ended all too quickly for Heath. It was time to get back to work. Heath washed the dishes and headed back out to the pile of trees. He once again went around the back of the pile to pick up where he left off. Heath found his footing and swung the ax chopping away the unwanted branches. He pulled the ax free and was just about to take another swing when a huge rattler leaped out of nowhere. The snake struck out at the ax startling him. Heath instinctively jumped back though he was already well out of reach on the poisonous reptile. Forgetting that he was on a hillside he stepped back expecting the ground to be level with his previous footing. When his foot hit air instead of the solid ground he expected he lost his balance and tumbled down the hill ax and all.

As Heath rolled down the hill his already battered body was slammed against the ground. Thankfully he avoided hitting any trees on his way down. But he did roll over the underbrush, the bushes scrapped up against him ripping his clothes and covering his exposed skin in painful little scratches.

Heath came to a halt at the bottom of the hill he lay there dazed and for a few fleeting second pain-free. But all too soon his injured body was making it's hurt known with a vengeance. Once he got his wits about him again, he looked around himself. As much as he would like nothing more than to stay right where he was and pass out. He knew that his family needed him and he needed to get up and take care of himself, so he could take care of them. Heath began to get up but froze as the agonizing and wholly unwelcome feeling of something stuck in his arm made itself known. Heath looked at his right arm and saw the ax head sticking out of his upper arm. His head dropped to the ground as he cursed under his breath. He could not believe the rotten luck he was having. He was tempted to ask what else could go wrong but didn't want to chance having to find out.

Heath took a deep breath and lifted his head to look at his arm again. He saw that his shirt sleeve was now soaked with blood and the ground under his arm was wet with his blood as well. Heath knew that if he didn't remove the ax from his arm so he could wrap his wound up he would bleed to death. He clenched his teeth and firmly grabbed the handle of the ax. Heath opened and closed his hand around the handle a few times before tightening his grip and in one quick motion jerking the ax free of his arm. Heath yelled out in pain and curled up into a ball gripping his right arm.

Once the screaming pain in his arm subsided he sat up and tied his bandana tightly around his arm just above the wound. Heath then grabbed the ax and stood, knowing that there was no way he would be willing to come back down here to retrieve the tool later. Instead of trying to climb up the hill where he had fallen down he walked around and found a place that wasn't as steep and made his way up there. Once Heath reached the cabin he swung the bloody ax into the splitting log for safe keeping.

Heath then went to the clothesline and pulled off a pillow case and wadded it up and pressed it firmly to his bloody arm. Heath hissed in pain and swayed feeling a little light headed. Feeling like he would pass out if he didn't sit down Heath made his way to the back porch with the pillowcase still pressed against his wound and gingerly sat on the steps. His hip and backside had taken a renewed beating on the tumble down the hill and now was just as painful as that first day. Heath didn't know how long he sat there waiting for his arm to stop bleeding but once it had he went into the house.

Heath gathered the supplies he would need to clean and dress his wound then went to the bathroom and began to wash the cut. He was relieved to find that, though the cut was deep the ax had not hit the bone. Heath rinsed out the wound which in and of itself was very painful but now he needed to disinfect it. Taking an old leather strap he placed it between his teeth then squeezing his eyes shut, took the bottle of alcohol and poured it into the cut. Heath let out a muffled scream when the liquid hit the wound sending waves of sharp burning pain throughout his arm. Once that was finished he bandaged his arm as best he could left-handed.

He knew all of this would have been easier on him if he had just asked Audra to help him but he didn't want to worry her. And the rest of the family as he had no doubt she would inform them all if she knew. He already felt guilty that she was so worried about him that she had worked herself into exhaustion earlier today. He knew if Audra knew about this there would be no stopping her from trying to take over the care of the family and himself. She would work herself sick in no time. No, he would just have to take care as to not let her know about this.

Heath felt horribly tired all of a sudden, whether it was from blood loss or the after effects of adrenaline he didn't know. Heath made his way to the couch in the great room and sat down. He tried to get comfortable without putting any pressure on either his left hip or right arm. But it seemed as if it that were impossible he kind of felt like he was balancing on a chair that had one leg shorter then the others. He shifted from one position to another never finding one that didn't hurt but exhaustion soon won out and he fell fast asleep.

* * *

Tell me what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Nine**

* * *

"Heath!"

Heath's eyes popped open at hearing his name being called. "I'll be there in a minute," Heath called out. As Heath began to sit up he realized that he had somehow shifted in his sleep and was lying on his injured arm. As feeling came back to his numb limb he started to shake and feel nauseous for the pain in his arm. Heath sat there a minute breathing deeply to help settle his stomach. Heath checked his arm and saw that he had bled through his bandage. Once he felt he was able to move without becoming sick he grabbed a clean shirt from his saddlebags and put it on, then went to see what Jarrod needed.

Jarrod looked up as Heath walked through the door and was shocked to see how pale, scratched and disheveled his blond brother looked. "Heath are you alright? What happened to you?" Jarrod asked clearly concerned. Nick's head snapped up to look at Heath when he heard Jarrod's question. Heath looked down at his hands and forearms, they were covered in teeny little scratches that made him look like he had a rash. "Oh, I had a run in with some bushes. Looks like they won," Heath said downplaying his fall. "Are you hurt?" Nick asked raking his eye over his brother searching for an injury. Heath waved his hand dismissively. "I'm fine," Heath stated, not exactly lying to his brothers but not telling them all of it either. Heath turned his attention back to Jarrod, "What did you need me for?"

Jarrod looked confused for a moment completely forgetting that he had called, Heath. "Oh. Sorry. You said for me to remind you to start dinner at five o'clock. It's five." Heath nodded, "thanks, I'll go do that now." Heath said relieved, he knew that if Jarrod and Nick had not been so sick he would have never been able to distract them so easily.

Heath shredded the leftover fried chicken from lunch and made a chicken salad. The task was made difficult by the fact that he had limited use of his right arm and hand. Thankfully Heath was not unfamiliar with using his left hand to get his everyday tasks done. Once when he was a no more than eight working in the mines as a charge boy he had been caught in a cave in and had broken his right arm. His mama had been terrified that he had died in that mine after that she had forbidden him to work there again even though they needed the money desperately. Even before then his mama had hated him working there. Every time he would go out to work his mama would give him this sad look that he never quite understood but always wanted to make go away.

It wasn't till he had seen that same look on Victoria's face on one of the rare occasion he had talked about the work he had done as a child that he began to understand that sad look his mama wore so often. He now knew it was the look of a mother who knew the hardship her child had endured and wished that she could take those hardships away.

Heath could not remember a time in his life when he was not out working. Even with him working every odd job that he could around town and his aunt Rachel and Hannah helping out, his mama still had to work from dawn till dusk, just to barely scrape by. But even with all the work, they had done to make a living he remembered many times going to bed hungry with no dinner because there was none to be had. He spent most of his childhood in ill-fitting threadbare clothes and no shoes. In winter when shoes were a necessity he often had to wear boots that didn't quite fit and were in need of some repair. Heath felt a pang of sadness as he thought that whenever he pictured his mama in his mind she always had chaffed red hands from having been in the laundry water all day long, her hair damp with sweat and her eyes tired.

Often when he was sick or hurt he thought of his mama and wished she were still there to hold and comfort him once more. As Heath's body throbbed with pain and work seemed endless he craved her sweet smile and soft words. As Heath dumped the last of the potatoes he had managed to peel and dice into the pot he shook off his musings. Feeling he had done the best he could with dinner Heath grabbed fresh bandages and once again closed himself in the bathroom. Heath looked around the small room and cringed he had left it in a mess the bloody pillowcase was balled up on the floor along with his blood soaked shirt and some rags he had used to clean his wound. The bowl on the pedestal was still full of pink-tinged water and there was a bloody handprint on the handle of the pitcher. Had Audra come in here Heath was sure she would think he was half dead somewhere.

Heath quickly and carefully changed the bandage on his arm and cleaned up the bathroom. Heath took the bloody rags including the pillowcase and his tattered shirt and threw them into the stove. As Heath closed the stove door and stood he swayed feeling a little lightheaded Heath shot his hand out to catch himself and nearly burning his hand.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As the night wore on and the light of the new day began to show, Heath, closed the door to Audra and Victoria's room, having just checked on them. With each passing hour Heath felt himself become weaker and weaker he now had a fever and his arm gave him no rest. Even the slightest movement shot shards of pain up his arm. He now knew his time was limited and that he needed to get his family help before it was too late for him to do anything for them. Heath knew with his bouts of lightheadedness that seemed to happen more often and the renewed beating his hip and backside had taken, he would not be able to ride.

And he figured if he was going to have to hitch up the wagon he might as well take his whole family with him. That way if he passed out on the way his family would not be stranded at the cabin for god knows how long. And if anything did happen to him on the way home he knew Jarrod or even Audra would be able to drive the wagon the rest of the way home. Heath went out to the wagon and placed a mattress in the back along with blankets and pillows. He then walked back into the cabin to gather his family.

Victoria looked up as she heard a light knock on her door just before Heath walked in. When he caught sight of her he hesitated ever so slightly before he continued into the room. She didn't understand why he did that it wasn't the first time he had done it and she had noticed that he had been a bit distant with her. At first, she had just thought it was because he was uncomfortable, embarrassed with having to care for her while she was awake and so indisposed. But now, she was beginning to think it was something more. "Are you sure you are alright Heath?" Victoria asked for what seemed like the twentieth time since last night. She was worried about him and not just because of his odd behavior toward her. Heath merely nodded then began to explain his plan to them once he was finished Audra immediately began to get herself and Victoria ready for the trip.

Heath smiled at the two, glad for their instant response and said, "I'll be back in an hour to help you out to the wagon." Both women nodded their understanding and Heath left them to go talk to his brothers. Heath opened the door to the boy's room and cleared his throat to get their attention. Nick looked up at Heath and Jarrod who had been startled out of a light dozed looked around the room briefly before settling on Heath. "With everyone feeling a bit better, I would like to take you all home. And I'd like to leave in the next hour." Heath explained simply. Jarrod who was not blind to the fact Heath was run down, perhaps even sick himself and needed time to rest without the worry of having to take care of others, he quickly agreed and began readying himself for the trip. Nick, on the other hand, frowned, "Why, don't you just leave us here and ride for help." Heath sighed and opened his mouth to answer though he wasn't sure what he was going to say. Before he could say anything though, Jarrod spoke. "Nick, it's a sound plan and if Heath says this is what he wants us to do then that is what we are going to do." Jarrod's tone leaving no room for argument.

Nick was clearly taken aback by Jarrod's tone and put up no further protests. Heath who was also taken by surprise with Jarrod's forceful defense of his plans was thankful for his oldest brother's unquestioning support. Heath smiled at Jarrod in silent thanks. Jarrod clapped his hand on Heath's shoulder and squeezed it briefly before letting go and walking past him. Jarrod left the room to use the outhouse as the bathroom did not have a commode.

Nick looked back at Heath and noticed for the first time that Heath was wearing his pants. "Boy, why are you wearing my pants?" At hearing this Heath instantly stiffened. ' _Boy? Did Nick just call me boy?'_ Emotions raw from the beating they had taken from Victoria's delusional rants and defenses low from exhaustion and injury Heath felt an inexplicable sense of betrayal and turned to Nick with his emotional armor firmly in place. When Nick caught sight of Heath's face he blinked in surprise. Heath could practically hear Nick mentally replay everything he had said and done in the last few minutes to cause such a reaction in his younger brother. Heath's face immediately softened knowing he had overreacted and now felt guilty he had caused his sick brother to worry he had hurt his little brother. "Heath, I..." Nick started but Heath cut him off. "It's fine, I'll go get you some clothes. The sooner we get going the sooner we will be home," Heath flashed Nick a reassuring smiled and went to get Nick his clothes.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Nick and Jarrod helped each other get to and in the wagon. Heath watched them and waited till they were settled before he turned his attention back to Victoria who was sitting on a chair that he had moved to the front porch. "Well Mother, are you ready to go?" She smiled at him and nodded. Heath wrapped his arm around the petite women's waist and slowly walked to the wagon. Heath would have liked to carry her but he knew that his arm just would not allow it. Audra walked just behind Heath carrying a few extra blankets. Once Heath got to the wagon Nick and Jarrod helped get Victoria up into it. Audra climbed up after her and spread blankets over everyone.

Heath walked around to the front and grabbed the side of the wagon bench. He clenched his jaw so tight that he was sure he was going to crack his teeth to prevent him from crying out and pulled himself into the front of the wagon. Heath settled himself on the pillow he had placed on the bench and breathed deeply to help deal with the pain. Whether his family had seen the pillow or not Heath really didn't care the soft cushion was a welcome addition for his very sore sit upon. With one last look at his family to see if they were ready, he snapped the reins and off they went Coco, Jingo, and Charger following behind, tied to the back of the wagon.

* * *

Tell me what you think.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Ten**

* * *

Heath held tightly to the reins as he urged the tired horses on in the near pitch black. He was so close to home now he could fairly feel its nearness. His family slept in the back completely worn out from their journey. When they had started out early that morning the family though tired from illness had been in good cheer. They talked and laughed with each other it was clear they had missed one another. Though they had been in the same house that was the first time in more than a week that the whole family had been in one place and able to talk to each other. They had tried to include Heath in their discussions but Heath would only reply briefly and turn all his attention back to driving the wagon.

Around the third hour on the road, everyone had gone quite too tired to talk but not quite enough to sleep. Often Heath would have to stop in order to rest, for the benefit of not only his family but himself as well. As the day progressed the time in between the stops became less and less while the time they spent resting became more and more. Heath wasn't sure if his family had noticed that he was not so quick to move or that he was less then eager to continue after each stop. But he no longer really cared if they did they would be home soon and others would be there to help them. Heath had made a deal with himself that all he had to do was make it to tomorrow and then he could rest. But until then he needed to keep moving and take care of his family. Unfortunately, he didn't know if he was going to be able to do that much.

It was close to six in the evening when Heath himself had given in to exhaustion and had fallen asleep at the reins. Heath had woken with a start as he had felt himself begin to fall off the wagon bench. It was dark out and the cloudy night made it impossible to tell how late it really was. He was relieved to find that everyone else was safely asleep in the back. Now as he looked up at the night sky he wished for nothing more than for tomorrow to come. It just felt as if tomorrow was slipping away from him though. It was like smoke in the wind you could see it, smell it, and taste it but you couldn't grab hold of it, it only slipped through your fingers. The night seemed endless as did the ride home. As the lights of the ranch became visible, it was all Heath could do not to push the tired horses into a run. The last half hour of the journey seemed like an eternity to Heath. There wasn't a part of his body that didn't hurt and he just wanted to get his family home so he could finally get some real rest.

Heath slowly pulled into the yard and stopped in front of the house. Silas came out of the house in his night robe holding a lantern clearly worried to see Heath and the family coming home at such an hour. McCall having been awakened by the sound of the wagon driving into the yard had also come out to see what was going on.

"Mister Heath?" Silas called out from the front porch. Heath waved the two men closer. "Everyone has come down with the flu. I need some help getting them up to their beds." Heath said simply too tired to explain further. "I'll go send one of the hands for the doctor," McCall said as turned to go to the bunkhouse.

"No, wait till it's light out. They're in no immediate danger and I don't want someone gettin' hurt riding around in the dark. But as soon as it's first light..." Heath trailed off as he woke up Jarrod and Nick. Duke nodded and picked up Victoria to carry her to her room. Audra though tired was able to make it to her room without help. Nick and Jarrod, on the other hand, need a steadying hand to get them up the stairs. Heath had helped Nick while Silas had done the same for Jarrod. After everyone was settled Heath tiredly made his way to his own bed. Once they had gotten to the ranch house things had happened quickly everyone was now resting peacefully in their beds. Heath found it a little hard to believe that there was really nothing else for him to do and he could finally just rest.

Heath sat on his bed pulling off his boots almost feeling giddy now that he had reached his goal. Now that he no longer had to care for his sick family he let himself give into his body's demands. His head had no sooner hit the pillow, then he was asleep.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

At eight the next morning the doctor's buggy came trotting into the yard with Jud Cooper riding his horse beside it. Doctor Merar jumped from the buggy and went straight into the house as Silas opened the door. Duke frowned and waved Jud over to him, Jud sighed he knew Mac was unhappy with how long it had taken him to get the doc out to the ranch. "He wasn't at home. He was at the Whymer's ranch helping Dora deliver her baby. But by the time I got out to the Whymer's he was already gone. I ended up having to ride out to three other ranches before I found him on the road making his way back to his home. I got him here as fast as I could," Jud explained before Mac could question him. Mac nodded and gave Jud his assignment for the day then went back to work himself.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Mrs. Barkley and Mister Nick is the sickest, so's you best see them first," Silas said as he showed the Doctor up to the bedrooms. Merar followed the older black man up the stairs to his patients. Two hours later Howard walked out of Jarrod's room and headed to Audra's room. Dr. Merar knocked lightly on Audra's door and waited a moment for her to answer. When he was granted permission to enter, he opened the door to see Audra sitting on the window seat looking out the window. "Well, I see you are feeling better than the others."

Audra looked at the doctor, "How are they? Mother and Nick have been so sick. We had thought we were going to lose mother for awhile up at the cabin." Howard patted her hand comfortingly, "well, she is doing fine now. Unless she were to get a relapse I do not foresee any problems with her recovery. In fact with a lot of rest and good food she should back to her old self in no time. As for Nick and Jarrod, they are well on their way to recovery and will back to normal in no time as well."

Audra closed her eyes in relief at hearing the doctor's assurances. "That's because of Heath, I mean Heath is the reason we are all still here and getting better. He worked almost round the clock to make sure we were cared for," Audra explained as the doctor examined her. She then began to tell him about their whole ordeal at the cabin. "It seems to me you have your brother to thank for saving your Mother's life and most likely Nick's life as well," the doctor said as he put his medical tools back in his beg. "Now, I want you to stay off your feet and rest as much as possible so you can gain your strength back."

"I will. And Dr. Merar?" Audra called stopping Howard from leaving. "Yes?" Dr. Merar replied turning back around to look at the young blond woman. "Could you look in on Heath before you go?" Audra asked obviously concerned for her brother's welfare. "I was planning on it." With that said, Howard left Audra's room and walked down the hall to speak to Silas, who was standing just outside of Nick's room. "Silas, do you know where I can find Heath?" The gray-haired man looked thoughtful for a moment. "I's think he's still in bed. Though he mighta' gone out to work whiles I was lookin' in on the others. Come with me Doctor, I'll take ya to his room so's we can see if he's there," Silas suggested, as he waved the doctor to follow him. Howard complied and walked with Silas to Heath's room.

Silas knocked on Heath's door, "Mister Heath?" At receiving no answer Silas opened the door and looked in, "Mister Heath?" Still no answer, Silas walked to the bed and knelt next to it, "Mister Heath?" When he didn't get any response Silas placed his hand on Heath's forehead. Silas turned to the doctor, "He's got a fever." Howard instantly started assessing Heath's condition. When Merar brushed his hand over Heath's right upper arm the sick blond jerked away and moaned. "Silas, hand me the scissors from my bag please."

Once Dr. Merar got a look at Heath's very clearly infected arm he began to abrade the wound to try and clean the infection out. "Silas I need boiled water and more clean bandages." The houseman quickly set off to do as he was instructed. Two hours later the two men exited the blond's room. "Does he have the sickness like the rest?" Silas asked the doctor. "No, I don't believe so. Not yet at least. He's got a bad infection and some serious bruises that are making him so sick and weak. It is very important that you keep the rest of the family away from Heath. If he were to get the flu on top of this infection he would die. Even Audra must stay away for the time being." Dr. Merar took out his pocket watch and noted the time, "Well I have to go, I'll be back tomorrow to check on everyone. But if Heath should take a turn for the worst between now and then send for me at once," Howard instructed.

Silas walked the doctor to the door again agreeing to make sure his instructions were followed to the letter. Once Dr. Merar had driven away McCall made his way to the house to talk to Silas. Silas saw Mac and waited at the door for the man to reach him. "What did the Doc say?" Duke asked as soon he got to the front porch. "They's all going to be fine. But mister Heath is in a bad way." Mac looked at Silas in surprise, "Heath?"

Silas nodded sadly, "Yes, Mister Heath." Silas went on to explain what had happened."Doctor Merar says that ifen mister Heath were to get the flu like the others that he'd die for sure." Silas finished.

"I'll keep one of the boys close to the house just in case you should need to send for the doctor," Mac said. He was distressed to hear that one of his employers and friends was so sick.

"Alright. And Mister Nick said he wanted to talk with ya after supper." Mac nodded then both men turned and went to carry on their respective jobs.

* * *

Tell me what you think.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Chapter Eleven

Audra walked down the hall and saw Silas coming out of Heath's room with bloody rags piled in a bowl. Worry instantly gripped her and she ran to Heath's door only to be blocked by Silas. Audra stepped back a little surprised Silas has planted himself in her path. "You can't go in there, Miss Audra. Mister Heath is very sick and..." Audra tried to step around Silas as she cut him off. "Well all the more reason for me to go to him and care of him." Silas again stepped in front of the young blond blocking her way. "Now Miss Audra, I's can't let ya in there the doctor has said." Audra looked thoroughly confused by Silas's last comment. "What do you mean the doctor said I can't see him? Why?" The older black man gently took Audra's arm and guided her away from Heath's room. "Well, Mister Heath get his self a bad cut on his arm and it's infected. And it made him real sick and the doctor says that if he was to get the flu whilst he's so's sick with the infection he would die. So's the doctor says that no one that is still sick can go in and see him. Even you, though yous almost over the sickness. But don't you worry none miss ol' Silas will look after him."

Audra smiled sadly at the old houseman glad for his comfort though her heart was still broken that she could not care for her sick brother. She knew this was the time Heath needed his family the most but for the sake of Heath's well being she would stay away, though it hurt her to do so. "Have you told the rest of the family about Heath?" Audra asked. Silas shook his head, "No, yous the only one that's been awake since the Doctor left. I's going ta tell everybody after supper." Audra nodded, "I know Mother is awake I'll go and tell her now I know she would like to know as soon as possible." Silas smiled reassuringly at the young woman and stepped away from her. "I's have ta take care of these rags and check on Mister Heath before I's start supper so's I's best get busy."

Audra slowly made her way to Victoria's room, she knew the news she was about to share would distress her mother greatly. But Victoria needed to know and would find it hard to forgive them if they were to try to keep it from her. Audra knocked lightly on the big oak door and waited for her mother to answer. Victoria smiled brightly at her daughter and put her needlework aside waving Audra to her. Audra walked in and sat on the edge of the bed by Victoria's knees and looked at her mother. Victoria's smile faded and worry took its place upon seeing the distressed look on her only daughter's face. "What is it, Audra? What is wrong?" Audra looked her mother in the eye and bravely held back the tears she so desperately wanted to shed as she told her mother the bad news.

Victoria cast her eyes to the floor, her mind reeling with worry for her son. "I knew Heath was not as well as he pretended to be, but I never suspected it was this serious. I knew he wasn't acting like himself. He has been a bit distant with me, I wonder if it was not to try and keep his injury from being discovered." Audra's face flushed and she opened then closed her mouth a time or two before closing it for good and sitting with her mother in silence. "What is it, Audra? Is there more? Something your not telling me?" Victoria asked noting Audra's flushed face and awkward actions. "No mother, there is no more. You look tired mother I should go and let you get some sleep," Audra said as she stood up from the bed and kissed her mother on the cheek. "Sleep well, Mother. I must go check on Jarrod." Victoria wanted to protest and demand her daughter tell her what is bothering the poor girl. But the truth is, she was tired and simply did not have the energy to force Audra to tell her anything.

Quickly Audra left her mother's room and made her way to Jarrod's room and quietly entered fully expecting Jarrod to still be asleep. She looked at the bed and was surprised to find it empty. Her gaze quickly darted around the dimly lit room but was unable to see him. She spun around ready to hunt down her oldest brother and scold him for being not only out of his bed but out of his room as well. She was almost out the door when she heard him call out to her, she spun back around clearly startled. "I'm sorry Audra, I hadn't meant to startle or worry you. I was merely sitting in my chair, I find staying in bed all day does get a bit tiresome," Jarrod said gesturing to the darkest corner of the room. The heavy drapes had been closed making the room as dark as night so that he could rest. Jarrod walked over to the drapes and pulled them back bathing the room in the early afternoon light. He squinted in pain at the sudden brightness and sat down in the nearest chair. "Are you alright Jarrod? Do you need some of the headache powder Doctor Merar left?"

"No, No I'm fine just forgot to prepare myself before I pulled the drapes. So what brings such a fine lady such as yourself to my humble abode?" When his last comment did not so much as get a smile from his little sister he began to get a bit concerned. "Audra, what's wrong?" So for the second time that day Audra found herself relating Heath's dire situation. "I knew he was not well, I even suspected that he was hurt. I now wish I had confronted Heath about it when he had come into our room all scratched up from his 'run-in with some bushes.' Perhaps if I had done that Heath would not be so ill now. You have told Mother and Nick about Heath," Jarrod said mentally beating himself up for not looking out for his younger brother as well as he should have.

Audra put a comforting hand on Jarrod's forearm. "No, Nick doesn't know he is still asleep. And Jarrod, please do not beat yourself up about not confronting Heath. You were not the only one who missed how sick Heath was getting. There is plenty of blame to go around." Jarrod looked at his sister worried it was rare for her to speak so sharply. "Honey, is there something else that is bothering you?" Audra shook her head slowly and heaved a sigh before focusing back on Jarrod. "Mother mentioned that she noticed that Heath has been a bit distant lately. I wanted so badly to tell her what she had said to Heath when she was sick, but I just kept seeing Heath shaking his head telling me not to tell her. And I just couldn't. Jarrod, do you think I did the right thing by not telling her?" Jarrod gripped her hand in his. "I think for the time being that it was for the best. I don't think you should mention anything till we have spoken with Heath about it."

"Which might be a long time before we can. I still can't believe the doctor has ordered as to stay away. I think Nick will have the hardest time with that once he finds out." Audra said sadly.

"You know he's likely to tear the house apart in frustration," Jarrod said to help lighten the mood. Audra looked at him with a slight smile Jarrod mirrored her expression both picturing what will happen once Nick found out. Nick would no doubt try and track the doctor down and demand to know why he is not able to see his sick brother.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Silas put down his tray and walked to the front door to see who was knocking. Silas opened the door and saw Mac standing there. "Mr. Nick just finish his supper so's you can go right up." Mac nodded and made his way up to Nick's room. Mac slowly opened Nick's door and called out to him. Nick waved Duke over to him, "Mac, it's good to see you. What's been going on with the ranch and the preparations for the fall roundup." Mac quickly answered all of Nick's questions. Satisfied with how the ranch was run in his and Heath's absence, Nick began to just visit with his old time friend.

"I've sent a couple of the men up to the cabin to clean it up and shut it down for the winter. The thing that's puzzled me though is how you all so got sick so fast and how you all survived it up there all by your lonesomes without help," said Mac. Nick looked at the foreman a little confused. "Didn't Heath tell you?" Mac shook his head sadly, "No, the poor boy been gravely ill since last night and..." Duke stopped talking abruptly and snapped his mouth shut when he caught sight of Nick's wide-eyed shocked expression. Nick threw his blankets off and jumped out of his bed faster than a man, that had been as sick as him, should have been able. Mac was so surprised by the action it took him a moment to react to it. Duke made to block Nick's way but was shoved just far enough by the sick man that Nick was able to get past the foreman.

Nick stormed down the hallway completely ignoring Duke's protests. Silas had just left Victoria's room carrying a dinner tray when he saw Nick headed straight for Heath's room. He immediately threw the tray onto a nearby end table causing the vase full of flowers that were resting on top of it to crash onto the tray and send a teacup flying to the floor. He then set out at a dead run to intercept Nick, he just barely got to the door before the upset cowboy. Silas planted himself firmly in the doorway, blocking Nick's entry. Nick raged at the other man and demanded that he get out of the way. Silas unfazed by Nick's show of temper stood his ground and calmly tried to explain why Nick was unable to be with his sick brother.

By now the whole house was standing in the hallway drawn out of their rooms by the ruckus caused by Nick. Audra ran over to Nick and the others and saw that he was now struggling with Silas and Mac to get at the door nob and was starting to win. "Nick stop! You'll kill Heath if you go in there!" Audra yelled. Nick stopped trying to get at the door nob and spun around to look at Audra. "What do you mean I'll kill him if I go in there?" Nick demanded. Now that Nick was calm enough to listen, Audra explained what the doctor had said about Heath's condition. Nick reluctantly moved away from Heath's door and started to go back to his room but found that his legs didn't seem to want to work. His struggle to get into Heath's room had left him completely drained. Mac and Silas stepped forward and each grabbed one of Nick's arms and helped him back to his room.

He just couldn't believe Heath had been so sick and he had not noticed. He knew he was not the most observant person when it came to other people but to miss something like this. He just couldn't believe he had missed it he just hoped he would be able to get over his own illness very soon so he might talk to his brother. And have a good talking to about hiding one's sickness and for Nick to apologize for his not noticing Heath's declining health.

Tell me what you think.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N I would have liked to see a strong Audra more often than was portrayed in the show. I think in the show at times they made her rather weak and a little 'Blond' not at all like her mother. I always felt Audra, that though yes, she is not her mother, she would at least have some of her spirit and strength in all she did. Again thank you all for your feedback, I love hearing from you.

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Twelve**

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Two days had passed since the doctor had ordered that no one who was still ill could go near Heath for any length of time. All the family could do was stare at the closed door that led to Heath's room and hoped he was truly still alive as those who could go in had said. It was not that they thought they were being lied to it was just that no one could rest easy without seeing for themselves how Heath was doing. The days had been long and unforgiving for all those in the house each one suffering in their own way.

For Silas it was watching the family he loved and worked for, suffer the heartbreak of not being able to gather around their so gravely stricken son and brother. And seeing the young Mr. Heath struggle to beat the infection that ravaged his body. For Nick it was the immense sense of helplessness were his brother was concerned. He could not even go out and do something to take his mind off the constant worry. For Jarrod, it was the guilt for not having followed his instincts and talking to Heath about his suspicions. His guilt and worry were only compounded by his inability to look after his little brother himself or to at least look in on him.

For Audra, it was the ability to go about her everyday life and still not be able to go to Heath. It was also the knowledge that Heath had doubts about their love and loyalty to and for him. The weight of the words her mother had flung at her brother, like a well-aimed knife in her sick delirium, pressed upon her. Word's that she had silently promised Heath she would keep secret. But should she? She didn't know. She knew that the secret once revealed had the power to either destroy or heal. She just didn't know which it would be and didn't know if she even wanted to take the chance. For Victoria, it was that she could not hold and comfort her sick child. It was the fact that she could do nothing as she saw all her children hurting. For the first time in a long time, Victoria Barkley felt completely helpless. And it was the fear that the rest of her family was keeping something from her. And what scared and worried her the most was the fact that she knew it had something to do with Heath.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Audra waited impatiently in the parlor sipping her tea for doctor Merar to arrive. She was hoping that he would, at last, deem her healthy enough to finally go in and see Heath. Every time she heard the slightest noise in the front yard she would rush to the foyer look at the front door and listen for someone to knock. This time like many others before it, it was just a false alarm she sighed and leaned up against the wall that divided the parlor from the foyer. Everyone was having such a hard time with not being able to sit with Heath. But Nick was the worst as he was not used to just sitting and waiting. He was so surly that the rest of the family found it rather hard to be around him. Silas was especially frustrated with the obstinate cowboy. Just the day before Silas had found Nick fully clothed sitting on his bed out of breath from just having put his boots on. Silas had charged into the room and scolded Nick oh but good. Nick had reluctantly laid back down on his bed but stubbornly refused to take off his boot or change back into his night clothes.

Audra perked up as she heard what sounded like a buggy pull up out front. She was so tense that when she finally heard the knock on the door she almost jumped startled. She wanted to run to the door but her mother's voice rang in her head commanding that she walk like a lady to the door and run like some hooligan. It took all of her willpower but she did indeed walk to the door if a bit hurriedly and opened it. Dr. Merar smiled at Audra. "Audra, it's good to see you are up and about. How are you feeling?" Audra latched onto his arm as soon as he crossed the threshold and all but dragged him to the parlor. "Oh, I'm doing just fine. Doctor Merar? Do think it would be possible for me to see Heath today?"

Merar gave her an appraising look and began to question her about her health. In all honesty, Audra was probably already beyond spreading the illness when she had come home three days ago. But with how ill Heath truly was, he felt it was best to err on the side of caution. "Well, I see no reason why you can't see Heath. I think the visit would do him a world of good." The words were barely out of his mouth before Audra was politely excusing herself and heading upstairs to Heath's room. The doctor was about to reply to the young woman but stopped when he saw her halfway up the stairs. Merar shook his head amused, how she could have gotten up the stairs so fast without breaking from her ladylike walk was a wonder to him. Howard made his way up the stairs as well but decided to look in on the rest of the family first to give Audra some time alone with Heath.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Audra slowly opened the door and saw Heath's pale motionless form lying on the bed. She walked over to the bed and knelt beside it like he had done for her up at the cabin so many times. "Heath? Can you hear me? It's me, Audra." Heath did not so much as twitch. Whether or not he could hear or understand her she didn't know, but on the off chance that he could she started to talk with him. "I wish I could have come in here sooner. I hope you didn't think we were staying away by choice. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Nick has nearly torn the house apart because he is not allowed to come in here and see you. It is all Jarrod could do to calm him down though he himself would like nothing more than come in here himself and is frustrated with not being able to. And mother, and please believe this Heath for it is the honest truth, she is so utterly depressed over not being able to see you."

The doctor knocked on the door a half hour later Audra got up from the floor and moved away from the bed to give the doctor room to look over Heath. Silas walked in not far behind him with clean rags and bandages. Merar quickly unwrapped Heath's arm and shook his head he was clearly unhappy with what he was seeing. Howard turned to Silas "Heath's arm has healed over trapping the infection inside I'm going to have to lance it so it can drain. I'm going to need you to get me more bandages and a couple ranch hands to hold him down, I can't have him moving around while I do this. I'm going to give him some laudanum but even with that he is going to feel this." Dr. Merar looked at the young woman standing a few feet away ringing her hands and gazing half horrified and half worried at her prone brother. "Audra perhaps it would be best if you leave while I do this."

"No. I want to stay here. I won't leave Heath, he needs me." Audra said with conviction as she stepped closer to the bed. Merar didn't say anything more on the matter seeing that Audra was resolved to stay. Silas left the room to do as the doctor requested. On his way back up with Duke and Red, he heard Victoria call him. He handed the bandages to Mac and pointed them down the hall to Heath's room before he went to see what Victoria needed. "Yes, Missus Barkley?" Victoria tried to look past him to the hall plainly very worried. "What is going on out there? Is something wrong with Heath or one of the others?" Silas walked over to the side of her bed and stood next to her. "Mr. Heath's arm has healed the infection in and Dr. Merar is gonna have ta cut it open to get the infection out. The doctor says he is gonna give 'im some laudanum but even with that it's a gonna be mighty painful for 'im. Mr. Duke and one of the hands is gonna have ta hold 'im down for the Doctor."

"Thank you, for telling me," Victoria said quietly she was distressed to hear the newest troubles facing her son. "Missus Barkley, Mr. Heath is likely ta yell out when the doctor opens his arm again. Would you likes me ta sit with you till it's over?" Silas offered kindly. Victoria smiled at Silas but shook her head. "Thank you, Silas, but I'm sure you have much to do. You needn't worry about me too." Silas nodded but instead of leaving, he merely pulled a chair up next to Victoria's bed and sat down. Victoria smiled gratefully at the kindly old man and reached out for his hand. Silas complied with the silent request and grabbed her hand knowing that she truly needed the human contact for comfort and support.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

' _What was going on? Why did he hurt so much? Why was his arm so tight and hot feeling?'_ Heath didn't understand what was happening to him. He heard voices talking around him but he could not make out what they were saying. He tried to open his eyes but found that it just took too much effort and somehow made the pain worse. So instead of trying to open his eyes, he forced himself to concentrate on the voices he heard around him. Now he was able to recognize some of the voices though he still couldn't understand what they were saying. He knew Audra was there and he thought he recognized Mac's voice though he wasn't sure. He heard someone step up next to him and felt them grab him around the back of his neck and set him up a bit. They put something in his mouth it was sweet and a little thick. Heath hated it. Almost as soon as he swallowed the nasty sweet tasting liquid Heath felt his pain start to fade away. He felt small cool hands rest on his forehead and cheek as he was laid down once again.

The small amount of peace that Heath felt was soon shattered as he felt hands grip him firmly and hold him down. He hated to be held down his heart began to race. _'Where was he? What was happening? Was he in a battlefield hospital?'_ He felt something start to cut into his arm and he screamed and started thrash about and tried to fight off those who were holding him down. He was in an army hospital and they were trying to cut his arm off. He remembered those hospitals and the so call doctors that worked in them. He remembered the mountains of severed limbs piled up just outside the tents. The doctors would hack off limb after limb without even really trying to save it. They would move from one poor soul to next without so much as washing the saw and knife off. They said they did it to save the life of the injured but most often those men died just days or even hours after their limbs were hacked off from infection or blood loss. With the terrifying images of those army hospitals clearly replaying in his mind he renewed his struggles and yelled and cursed. He felt those cool comforting hands again and heard Audra's sweet calm voice. _'What was she doing here? She, couldn't be here?'_ With the shock of hearing Audra, he calmed down long enough to understand what she saw saying.

"Heath Please calm down. Please, I promise we are not trying to cut off your arm Doctor Merar just had to clean it out. Please, Heath, he's not trying to cut your arm off." Heath stilled and slowly opened his eyes and saw Audra leaning over him with tears running down her face. "Audra?" He croaked out his voice raw from all the yelling. Audra smiled at him "Yes Heath it's me." Heath smiled back at her or at least tried to then turned to look at his right arm and flexed his hand. And even though it caused white hot pain to shoot up and down his arm every time he moved his hand he continued to move it just to assure himself that it was still attached. Once he let his body relax a bit he felt himself start to pass out and he welcomed it. A few moments later and he knew no more.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Tell me what you think.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N Thank you so much for your feedback.

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

Victoria gripped Silas's hand painfully when she heard the first scream from Heath. Then what she heard next would break her heart. She heard him screaming and yelling, begging and cursing them not to cut his arm off. She didn't know what kind of hell Heath was picturing, to make him react so. And it killed her not to be able to go to him and comfort him. She cried silently and held on firmly to Silas's hand till they heard no more from Heath.

Jarrod was in his room reading when he was startled by the blood curdling, pain filled scream from Heath. He dropped the book and ran to the source of the scream Nick not far behind him as he too exited his bedroom. Jarrod slammed to a halt just outside Heath's door making Nick stop as well. He knew they shouldn't go in but hearing Heath cry out for help and begging them not to cut off his arm was nearly impossible not to answer. _'Cut off his arm?'_ Hearing that knocked the breath out of his lungs he had no idea Heath's arm was so bad off. He only prayed Heath would survive this.

Nick lunged for the door to stop them but Jarrod grabbed him a pushed him away from the door with all his might. "Jarrod get out of my way. We have to stop them they can't cut his arm off." Nick demanded as he tried to push Jarrod away but his weakened body did not allow him to succeed. "Nick, we can't go in there. We can't take the chance that we might infect him." Nick looked at his older brother stubbornly but there was also a bit of pleading in his expression as well. "He doesn't want this Jarrod. We can't let them do this to him." Jarrod looked sadly at the door as he continued to hear Heath yell and scream for the doctor to stop. "Nick, you and I both know Doctor Merar would never do something this drastic unless he felt there was no other choice. We have to let them do what they most. I would rather have Heath with us less one arm than have to bury him whole." Nick turned away from the door and walk back to his room he knew Jarrod was right but hearing the cries he could not answer from his little brother was ripping him up inside.

"This will kill him you know. He loves this ranch, loves working on it. What will he do when he finds he can't do the things like he used to?" Nick asked when he reached his room. "Well, Nick then it will be up to us to show him that he's wrong. Teach him that he is still able to do a lot even with just one arm. This will no doubt take a lot for all of us to adjust to but we will together," Jarrod said reassuringly. Jarrod decided to wait with Nick till the doctor was done with Heath so they could talk with him. He was more than a little angry that Dr. Merar had not told them what was going to happen to Heath. He hoped Mother had at least been told. He wanted to go check on her and see but he had a feeling that if he left Nick alone the dark-haired cowboy would just run right back down the hall and try to stop the operation.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Audra swept her hair out of her face completely worn out from her struggle with Heath. Audra looked down at her now unconscious brother his brow drawn. It was clear that even as he slept he was in pain. She lovingly brushed her fingers over his forehead wishing she could smooth away the frown and with it his pain. Dr. Merar finished bandaging Heath's arm then turned to wash his instruments. Red the ranch hand that had helped hold Heath during the procedure cleared his throat. "If you don't need me anymore I will just be heading on back to work?" Howard looked at the other man and held his hand out to him. "Yes, that will be all." Red took the offered hand and shook it then head for the door. Audra quickly scooted off the bed, which she had climbed on in order to try and calm Heath down when he was so distressed over thinking they were cutting off his arm, so she could thank the man. "Thank you so much for what you have done for my brother." The middle-aged man flushed bright red. "Oh, it was no trouble miss. Heath is a good man and a good boss. It was my pleasure to help him in any way I can. I hope he gets better soon." Audra smiled at him and thanked him again for his well wishes and help before he opened the door and left.

Audra walked back over to the bed and kissed Heath's forehead then straightened the blankets that had fallen while he was thrashing about. Mac stood to the side waiting, ready just in case he was needed. Dr. Merar finished packing his instruments and checked on his patient one last time before leaving the room himself. As soon as the poor man opened the door Jarrod and Nick came storming down the hall to him. The doctor was startled by the less than friendly approach. "Why weren't we told beforehand that you planned on..."Jarrod didn't even get to finish what he was saying before Nick cut in and demand answers from the old doctor. "You should have talked with us before you started cutting off his arm. You had no right to do that." Howard was completely taken aback and tried to calmly explain. "Now Jarrod, Nick you know I..." Jarrod held up his hand to stop the doctor for continuing. "I'm sure you had your reasons for doing it but we should have been told before you amputated his arm."

"Amputate?" Audra question sharply as she walked out of Heath's room behind Dr. Merar. Nick and Jarrod snapped their attention to Audra both men equally stunned to see her coming out of Heath's room. "What are you talking about? Heath didn't get anything amputated." Nick and Jarrod turned their focus back to the doctor confusion plainly written over their faces. "Between the Laudanum and the fever, Heath was confused and perhaps even a little delusional. The poor boy obviously thought he was in some sort army hospital. I don't blame him, many of those 'doctors' in those places would hack of arms and legs indiscriminately. And in my opinion, often hasten if not outright caused those poor men's deaths. But as for your brother, he is doing fine I merely lanced his arm to drain the infection. Amputation would be my absolute last resort and I would tell you all if I thought it might be necessary which would be long before it actually happened. But Heath's condition is far from needing to even talk about such drastic measures." Nick and Jarrod nodded clearly relieved and happy to hear that not only did Heath still have his arm but he was doing OK. "Please forgive us Dr. Merar for being so rude and accusing you without letting you explain the truth of the matter."Jarrod apologized Nick nodded his head showing that he too was sorry. Howard smiled at them completely understanding the horror they must have felt hearing their brother's terrified screams, not knowing what was really happening to him.

"Do not worry about it Jarrod, Nick, I understand. But I think all of you should go back to bed now, you have all had quite enough excitement for today and now need to rest. That means you too Audra."Audra immediately began to protest even though she did feel a little like a rung out old dish rag and probably didn't look much better. "I don't want to leave Heath alone. He shouldn't be alone," she argued. "I'll sit with him till you can come back," Mac kindly offered. Audra reluctantly accepted Mac's offer and made her way to her room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A mere three hours later Audra was back sitting at Heath's bedside. Heath slept a little restlessly his fever and pain still troubling his sleep. Audra had been sitting with her brother for close to an hour when she heard the door open. When she didn't sense someone entering the room she turned to the door. She was surprised to find her younger brother standing in the doorway his gaze locked on Heath. "Gene, I'm so glad you're here I wasn't sure you would get my wire."

"It's my fault," Gene said quietly his gaze never leaving Heath. Audra walked over to him and looked at him confused. "Gene what are you talking about? What do you mean it's your fault?" Eugene looked at Audra as if he had just noticed she was there. "I went to visit my professor when we were in San Francisco the week before I went back to Berkley. He was sick then I got sick and gave it to all of you. If I hadn't gone to see him Heath wouldn't be like this now and none of you would have had to go through all that you did." Audra frowned and studied Eugene more closely. "You were sick? Are you alright now?"

"I'm fine now I don't even get that weak feeling anymore," the dark blond assured. Audra smiled clearly relieved. "I'm glad, and this whole thing was not your fault. There was no way you could have known. Would you sit with Heath for a bit? I need to take care of some things and I don't want to leave him alone."Gene nodded and sat in the chair Audra had been in earlier. She smiled at him knowing he needed some time alone with Heath to reassure himself that Heath was alive if not exactly well. She walked down the hall to Victoria's room feeling the need for her mother's comfort. She was still upset over how Heath had reacted to the doctor lancing his arm. She hated seeing him like that and not being able to do anything stop it. Audra walked into Victoria's room and climbed onto the bed. The older woman wordlessly put her arms around her daughter to hug the younger women to her.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Though Gene had come home which cheered the family the days dragged on with agonizing slowness for the Barkleys. As the fate of their brother was not clear yet and most were still not allowed to see him.

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Tell me what you think.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N Thank you so much for your feedback. And now for the conclusion...

* * *

 **If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

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The last week had been rather tense for the Barkley family. Heath's health had, had its ups and downs over the last few days but thankfully he was now well and truly on the mend. He was expected to make a full recovery. Victoria who was the last of the family to be cleared to finally see Heath sat next to Heath's bed. She sat back in her chair as she watched her son sleep. She smiled at him and for the first time since this whole thing started, she was able to feel a little at ease. Everyone was either over their sickness or in Heath's case would be soon. It really amazed her to think of what Heath had done up at that cabin. She knew without a doubt that if Heath had not been there she and perhaps even Nick would be dead right now. She only wished it had not cost Heath so much to do all that. It pained her greatly to think of all he had suffered in order to get them back home safely.

Victoria was pulled out of her thoughts when Heath began to moan and move about in the bed as if in the midst of a bad dream. Victoria got up from her chair and gently tried to wake the distraught blond. "Heath dear, wake up. It's ok it's only a dream. Come on now honey wake up," Victoria coached soothingly. Heath reacted to her voice but did not open his eyes, "Mama?" he called out softly. Victoria smoothed the hair back from his face and replied, "Yes Heath it's Mother. Now please wake up." Heath immediately opened his eyes but they were still blurry and unfocused from sleep. He blinked a few times and looked at Victoria still not quite in focus. "Mama?" She smiled at him and lovingly brushed her hand over the side of his face. Heath's eyes finally seem to focus and oh so subtly jerk away from her touch. "Oh. mother." His voice flat.

Victoria slowly pulled back her hand utterly crushed by Heath's reaction to her. It wasn't so much that he had pulled away from her touch for she could easily dismiss that as being surprised by how close she was standing over him. And it wasn't even the fact that he had clearly been calling for Leah, for he had done that many times before when he was ill or hurt. No, it was that for the first time upon waking up and realizing it was her and not Leah, he reacted with disappointment. "Heath?" her tone making it clear she was asking what was wrong. Heath smiled at her his expression a bit stained. "Mother its so good to see you are feeling better." Victoria continued to look at him with hurt and confusion marring her features. "Heath?" she questioned again in that same tone of voice. And once again Heath completely ignored it. "How are the rest of the family?" Victoria frowned, unhappy that he was not talking about what just happened. She decided to answer Heath's question even though she knew full well he already knew the answer.

Victoria sat with Heath for the next two hour. After Victoria gave up trying to find out why Heath had reacted the way he had Heath relaxed and they had a pleasant visit with one another. Heath was now once again sleeping Victoria pulled his covers up over him and kissed her son on the cheek. She stood and determinedly strode out of Heath's room she knew exactly who to go to, to get the answers Heath refused to give her.

Victoria walked into the den and saw Audra and Gene playing cards while Nick and Jarrod stood by the pool table though neither seemed to be playing. Jarrod was the first to notice her standing there in the doorway. "Mother, how is Heath doing?" Victoria briefly glanced at her oldest before zeroing in on Audra. "That is something I would like to know myself." Audra's wide-eyed expression at hearing her mother gave her away. Victoria walked into the room and stopped a few feet away from her daughter. "I know you know what is going on with Heath. He has been distant with me since we got back from the cabin and when he woke up not more than two hours ago he was less than pleased to see me there. Now I want to know why." Audra's eyes darted around the room as if trying to find an escape, while Gene just looked confused. Nick seemed to understand what his mother was talking about and would like to know what was going on as well. Jarrod, on the other hand, didn't seem fazed in the least by her accusations which made her suspect that he already knew the answer. She again brought her attention back to her daughter. "Audra?" Victoria said expectantly.

Instead of Audra, it was Jarrod who spoke up. "Mother perhaps Heath was just a bit disoriented and was surprised to see you there." Victoria looked at Jarrod more than a little angry. "Jarrod, I am not so old or so feeble-minded as to not see that there is something wrong with Heath. Nor am I stupid enough not to realize that it has something to do with me. So don't patronize me, Jarrod. Audra, I asked you a question, and I want an answer and I want it now." Audra looked up at her mother pleading her eyes filled with unshed tears. "Please, Mother don't ask me this. Please, just...just let it go."Audra begged. "No, Audra, I have to know. Why is Heath acting this way with me?" Victoria said knowing now more then ever she had to know what had gone on for her children to act this way.

Audra once more asked her to let it go but Victoria refused. Audra took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then began to tell her mother all that had gone on to make Heath act the way he was. Victoria was horrified and devastated to hear what she had done and worse what she had said. Seeing Nick and Gene's equally horrified faces made her feel that much worse. Victoria turned and walked out of the room ignoring her children's concerned voices calling after her. She was determined to try and rectify this devastating mess as soon as Heath woke up again. Until then she planned to sit at his bedside and pray that she would know just what to say to help heal the damage that she had done.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Heath stirred as he felt cool hands on his cheek and forehead. He slowly opened his eyes and saw his mother hovering over him he smiled at her weakly still remembering how he had acted the last time he woke up to find her there. He wished he had not done that, he had not meant to, he had just reacted. Her hurt and confuse face flashed before his mind's eye and he felt a rush of guilt wash over him once again. Heath looked up at Victoria's face and his heart sank. She knew.

"Heath?" She said softly. Heath gave her his full attention and remained silent. At seeing this Victoria sat down on the side of his bed. "Heath, I have noticed as of late that things have not been the same between us." Victoria paused for a moment or two hoping Heath would talk to her but when he continued to stay quiet she started to speak once more. "Audra has told me why that is. Heath, I can not begin to tell you first how sorry I am for, ever saying such things. And second that never have I ever felt that way about you." Heath's eyes were now downcast a million emotions swirling within him. He knew what she was saying was the truth but it still hurt and fed into his lingering insecurity as to his place in this family. In her heart.

Victoria placed her hand under his chin in order get him to look at her again. At seeing the pain, guilt, and uncertainty in Heath's eye, tears began to well up in her eyes. She grabbed his hand and clutched it between her hands. "Heath, I love you. And though you were not born to me I could not possibly love you more then if you were my own flesh and blood. Please know that. And please know that I would never knowingly hurt you. It is the last thing I would ever want." Heath gripped her hand back he heard the sincerity in her words."I know. Mother, I know," Heath assured because he did know. He knew it all along it just didn't seem to make the pain go away.

Victoria smiled and shook her head with tears running down his face. "But it still hurt you. No matter how much you know, that I didn't mean it, it still hurt you. I still hurt you." She knew just by looking at him that she had just hit the bull's eye. "I am so, so sorry Heath. Please forgive me." Heath looked her in the eye and smiled then nodded. "Mother, I'm sorry for the way I have acted. I never meant to hurt you." Victoria wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. Heath returned the hug he knew that there would still be a lot of work to do to fully repair the damage. But he was ok with that, sometimes things had to be torn down in order to find the weak spots. That way they could be rebuilt stronger and better than ever.

* * *

I'm sorry about how short this is but I really wasn't sure what to do with this. So tell me what you think.


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